Worry

Ok so I worry A LOT about things. More than I should and when I am worried about things my stomach gets all up set and it is not good for me. Anyway tonight we were at soaking and it was amazing. I loved it. Something kind of cool happened though. You know how you have those dreams where you are falling? Well I kind of had one but instead of me falling I felt that God was taking a burden away from me. It was a weird feeling but amazing. I feel so much more at peace about things than I did. I felt that God was saying quit worrying and hand everything over to me. I can handle this and I am not going to give you too much. I know what your limits are and I know just how strong you are. I got this. It was a sweet time in the presence of God. :D

America

I just watched a movie called "America." Dr. Maureen Brennan (Rosie O'Donnell), a psychiatrist at a youth treatment center, encounters her newest patient, a 16-year-old biracial boy named America. Through their sessions, Dr. Brennan helps America come to terms with his roller-coaster life, which began when he was taken by authorities from his crack-addicted mother and placed into foster care as an infant. In this emotional story, Dr. Brennan works to help him open up about his painful past and discover the support and courage he needs to get his life back on track. This Lifetime Original Movie is based on the book “America” by E.R. Frank.

I really liked this movie. I think it shows what some children go through in the foster care system and by the time they turn 18 they age out of the system and then there is no hope for them. They either end up on the streets, they are incarcerated, or they end up dead a few lucky kids actually find a way to survive. To me this is a sad thing. I feel that we could be doing so much more to help these teens who get lost in the system.

As graduation approaches and I learn more and more about what is going on in the world around me it makes me want to go out and do something to change what goes on. I have no idea where God wants me or where I will end up but I know I have big dreams and I want to change the world.

Girls are like apples.

The other day I was feeling like a failure and that I was never going to find my "happy ever after" then my friend sent me this quote...

Girls are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing! They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way up.

So to all the girls who think they aren't good enough and that they will never find their "happy ever after" just hold on to this thought and know that you are amazing!

The Brick

I just received this e-mail and thought I would share it....

The Brick!!!

A young and successful
executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,
going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.. He was
watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down when he thought he saw
something.

As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to
the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry

driver then jumped out of the

car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up

against a parked car shouting,

'What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that
brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why
did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic.
'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't
know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the
brick because no one else would stop....' With tears
dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth
pointed to a spot just around a parked car.. 'It's my
brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him
up.'

Now sobbing, the boy
asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and
he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words,
the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat... He hurriedly lifted the
handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took
out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything
was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless
you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too
shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk
toward their home..

It was a long, slow
walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair
the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life
so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to
get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and
speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have
time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's
our choice to listen or
not.

Thought for the
Day:

If God had a
refrigerator, your picture would be on
it.

If He had a wallet,
your photo would be in
it.

He sends you flowers
every spring.

He sends you a sunrise

every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about

you!

God didn't promise
days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun
without rain, but He did promise strength for the
day, comfort for the tears, and light for the
way.

Read this line very
slowly and let it sink
in...

If God brings you to
it, He will bring you through
it.

Temptation

I am in two different classes where we are talking a lot about sex this semester. It has been very interesting and I have actually enjoyed it. Sex is a topic we often ignore. I don't really understand that but we often do ignore or act like sex is something that doesn't happen among the Christian population. Something we have said over and over again in our class is that the world is yelling that sex is ok to have no matter what relationship you are in and at the same time the church quietly says no but doesn't really say why or talk about it much. This is something I don't really understand. Why are we afraid to say something about sex? Why is it something that we can't talk about? Today we talked about the temptation to have sex before marriage. We talked about how in the Bible it never really says "Do not have sex before marriage." I wonder if part of this is because it wasn't really that big of a deal in the Bible times. I mean people went through puberty and were married in a year or two. But in our cultural we go through puberty and then have to deal with sexual temptation for about 10 years before we are married. It is hard to wait that long and for a teenager 10 years is a lifetime. I hadn't really thought about my own walk with temptation until today. I have never really be tempted sexually until lately. I think a lot of that is because of my past. I went through some stuff in High School that made me not want to be around guys at all. It wasn't until recently after I have dealt with all that stuff that I have started thinking about a relationship with a guy and that leads to temptation. I think in some ways this has been amazing for me. I didn't have to deal with all of that stuff. I mean don't get me wrong I dealt with a lot but I have gotten over it. I don't think I could be a teenager in todays world and not be tempted to go to far. Temptation is hard but I am glad I am in classes where we all talk about how it is something that we all struggle with.

BOYS!!!

Ok I don’t know who is all still reading this but I mostly am writing just to put my feelings out there and to get them off my chest.

So lately I have been feeling this HUGE pressure to find a guy and move on with my life and get married and have kids and live happily ever after. Well I have not had the best of luck in this area but you gotta try right?!?! Well I have been feeling this pressure from the world, after all it feels as if everyone I know is getting married lately or having babies or both. I want to have a family of my own so badly. I have been praying that if I am supposed to stay single that God would take the desire away and that I would be at peace with my life. I feel that the more I pray that prayer the stronger the desire becomes. So I am guessing that one day I will get married and have a family I just don’t know when. I am not so great at the whole waiting for things to happen. Ok I’m not good at waiting at all. I really stink at it. I get frustrated and I want to just take things into my own hands but I know that God has something planned for me and it is all in his timing. I mean after all I never would have thought I would be where I am today. I went through some stuff in High School and after a long healing process I am finally ok with boys being around me and I long for that relationship but not with just any boy. My standards are set REALLY high and I value myself a lot so not every boy I run into on the street fits into my standards. So for now I will just wait and hope and pray that one day God will bring the right guy along that I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life and we can live happily ever after. But the waiting and longing is so not fun!

Resting

Ok so tonight at soaking Amy talked about how we need to rest in the midst of craziness. Well these last few weeks I have been so busy being social and not really focusing on my relationship with God all that much. I haven't really taken time out to just be us together. Sure I have read my Bible and done some volunteer work but I haven't actually sat down and just listened and existed with God. I have been too busy. That has to change. I have to have more time with God just the two of us together. With out those quiet times I get too wrapped up in me and what I need. I get selfish. It is not a good thing. I feel that lately I have been very self centered and I need to turn my focus to what God wants with me and for me. Soaking really showed me that tonight. I came home and one of my friends wanted me to go watch a movie with her. I have to get up early for class and I have to do some things tomorrow so I declined plus they are watching a scary movie which I am not really a fan of. Tonight I am going to bed pretty early (before 1) and Im going to get some much needed rest. Tonight I realized how crazy my life has been the last few weeks with out God in it. That must and will change starting now.

Sing Song and SNOW!!!

So this last weekend was sing song. I was in the senior act. It was fun but Im glad it is over. I did the whole sing song thing once and that was enough for me. Anyway....

Its another snow day. I have to say I love the snow days. They are pretty amazing. I love how everything is so white and pretty. I love how children (and big kids) get to play out in the snow and make snow men and have snowball fights. Its amazing. I just really love snow. Even though it comes with its down sides it is pretty amazing.

Lent

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what I want to give up for lent. I have thought about several things but the thing I have decided on is that I am going to give up some time. I want to spend more time in the word everyday. I am thinking about doing a 40 day bible study called "A Call to Die" by David Nasser. a 40 day journey of fasting from the world and feasting on God. I have attempted to do this bible study before. It is no walk in the park but I think that I should try it again. I think it will be a good thing to do and it will allow me to work on spending more time in the word. I want to spend time with the bible study and just time reading the word everyday. I think it will be good for me. We shall see how it goes. This means I will have to say no to some things in order to keep it up.

So when I was thinking about lent I thought about how much time I spend running around and doing things that are all focused on me. I then thought about how different my life would be if I took time to just exist and listen to God. So I thought that I would spend more time with God and less time on me and what I need to do in the world. We shall see how it goes.

Heavy Heart

Lately the homeless and poor of Abilene have been on my mind. I started volunteering at Love and Care ministries (an organization that helps the homeless and poor in Abilene) on Mondays. I have now gone two weeks. Both weeks I have helped stalk food on the shelves in the pantry. The food that was there last week is gone and the shelves are restocked. It is crazy for me to see how much food they go through in a week. It breaks my heart to see everything that is going on kind of behind the scenes on the streets of Abilene. Then last week an article came out that there are something like 634 students going to school in Abilene who are considered homeless. This to me is so sad and again it breaks my heart. Why are we not doing anything about this problem? Why aren't we becoming more aware and trying to solve the problem of homelessness? I really want to someday work with the homeless and poor of Abilene. I want to meet the families that are living on the streets. I want to know their stories. God is really laying this on my heart lately and the more and more I am drawn to this topic the more it shows up. Like just a few days ago I heard about two girls who I know are living in a house with no furniture because their dad lost his job and they had to sell everything so they have a roof over their head. That breaks my heart.

So on Tuesday I drove a route for work and I started thinking about all of this and the thought came to me if my heart is aching this much for just a few of Gods people how much more is his heart aching for all the people in the world. I only know of a few stories but he knows all of our stories. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. My heart is heavy for the people I know about and the ones I am working with and pray that God continues to show me his people and allow me to be a light in their life or for them to be a light in mine. But I can't even fathom knowing every single persons story in the whole wide world. That blows my mind.

New

This is my 300th blog. I think that is pretty amazing! :D I have had a blog for awhile now.

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I have been thinking and asking for a word of the year. I wasn't 100% sure what is was until last night at soaking. I kept getting the word NEW but I wasn't sure if that was just because I was starting over or if it was because that was my word but all through soaking I got the same word so I thought this must be my word.

Then after we had soaked they went around the room and spoke words over us. It came to be my turn and Amy asked me if I had received anything. Which I had but I am not really one to just come out and share things with a group of people unless I know them all pretty well but I did. I have been hearing God say that this year was going to be a good year and this year would be one of starting over and starting NEW. I just love that. Last night it was all just confirmed for me. After I said all of this they said well that is good but lets see what else we get. Joy came up and I love that because I feel like now that I have gotten through everything I was going through and I drop the baggage I had been carrying around I have a NEW found joy. I love that. Then someone said a football goal which she thought meant you are going to reach your goals. Right after that someone said hope. Which I thought was interesting because I immediately thought about one of my dreams. I want to someday start an inner city ministry to children and youth and one of the names I had thought about was Hope. So it was just really amazing that those two things happened back to back. Then another person said dreamer. I just love that. I feel that God is doing great things trough me and in me and he will continue to use me in amazing ways. I can't wait to see what is in store for me in 2010! :D

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On another note part of my NEW beginnings I am moving this weekend. I am going to live with one of my friends which I think will be so fun and will be good for me. I have realized that because of everything that happened and letting go of all that I was carrying around I have become so free and I have started doing things that college aged kids do like stay out all night and other fun things. I think I am going to enjoy this NEW life of mine. :D

Rich or poor

Check out this Nooma Video. It will make you feel so thankful and blessed for what you have. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4657662595934098105#docid=-1744463994542090095

I have thought a lot about what I want to do with my life. I recently saw this video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0 (thanks Lindi)

It made me realize that what I am doing now I might never fully see how big it is but someday I will get to see it all.

I have decided that I want to work with inner city families. I was thinking about how crazy that is considering how much I love the country life and the quietness of the neighborhood and how most inner city neighborhoods are not so quiet. Then I got to thinking about the qualities that I love about inner city work. They don't have all the glamours things that other people have and for the most part life is simple but what they do have the often times share. They sit on their front porches and just enjoy life because they can't afford to just run off and go do something but to them sitting is fun and it is something they do. They might play a game or just talk with the neighbors. This I love about inner city work. They know how to have fun with out spending too much money and often times it is more fun than you would think it would be. They may not have much but I also think that makes them a better neighbor and friend. They get that life is short and that it might be hard and that is when you rely on each other to help you though that time. To me the neighborhoods that don't have as much money seem more neighborly than the ones that have lots of money. This is why I love inner city work. I know it is dangerous and that it won't be easy but it will be rewarding and fun. To me I can see the similarities of inner city living and country living.

The tower of Babel

I have been thinking about race a lot lately. It has divided us in so many ways. Then I started thinking. Where did race come from? We all came from Adam and Eve right?!? Then they were all wiped out in the flood and only Noah's family survived. So we are all coming from one couple. If that is the case then how did we get all these different races?

Then I started thinking about what happened after the flood. The tower of Babel happened. It makes me wonder if that is when we started to have different races. I mean we know that is when we had different languages. According to Genesis the LORD scattered them all over the Earth and caused them to have different languages. Then I did what almost any college kid would do. I googled where did race come from? I found a really cool website (www.christiananswers.net/q-aig/race-definition.html) that explained it very well I thought. It basically said that our skin color is determined on the amount of melanin (a dark brownish pigment in our skin) is produced. If you have no melanin you are considered albino. I found this interesting so we are all from the same people our melanin has just changed. I don't really know what to think about all of this but for now this makes since to me.

I do find it interesting that race has caused us to be so diverse just as language causes us to not be able to communicate with one another. If you go back to the tower of babel it was all because of what humankind did wanting to be a part of God and be with God. It is fascinating to me how much we stereo-type other races but we are really all the same race. If we are all from one couple and we believe that then why don't we love everyone around us? Aren't we all just one big happy family?I also find it interesting that race is such a big issue still today. If this is true and we are all from one couple then we are related and we have treated our brothers and sisters with unkind behavior in the past and some people continue to do so today.

I want to do more studying on this but for now this is all I have. Post a comment and let me know what you think.

Teenagers

I have been in a child development class this semester and today we learned a lot about the physical development of adolescents. It was very interesting to me. I have a heart for the inner city children and youth and often times these are single parent families. We learned today how much the biological father has a role in a young girls life. Some quotes from the book...

"The relationship with the father seems particularly important. In one longitudinal study, girls who, as preschoolers, having a close, supportive relationship with their parents--- especially with an affectionate, involved father--- entered puberty later than girls whose parental relationships had been cold or distant or girls who were raised by single mothers. "

"Because both a father's absence and early pubertal timing have been identified as a risk factors for sexual promiscuity and teenage pregnancy, the father's early presence and active involvement may be important to girls; healthy sexual development."

Another thing we talked about was how the father treats a daughter with respect and opens doors for her and treats her like a man should it shows her how she is to be treated by her future boyfriend and husband. When the father isn't present often times the girl doesn't have a high standard and doesn't always have this since of worth.

I can see this playing out in girls all around me today. I know that this is an issue and it is growing greater and greater every day with the increasing in divorce rates. It breaks my heart to see this go on. I understand that some people can not help their situation but it still breaks my heart.

The other interesting thing we talked about today is how the brain develops. Teens tend to use a different part of the brain to make decisions than adults do. Therefore they often don't have the best judgement in their decisions. They don't have the same warning systems that adults do and they don't always see how their actions will play out. This also causes them to think that they are invincible.

I found this interesting because I think it helps explain why teenagers often make bad decisions. I wonder if the combination of entering puberty earlier, not having a father in your life to help set a high standard in a boyfriend, and poor decisions leads to teenagers having sex.

These are just my thoughts and observations after sitting in class for an hour and a half talking about it. I find it all very interesting.

Looking back...

My life has been a little crazy over the last year and looking back it has been an amazing God story and I am so glad he has healed me and help me through everything. Hopefully soon I will tell my story.

Are we happy plastic people?

Have you ever heard the song Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns? If not check it out... www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrIKFLJP8Jc&feature=related

I was listening to it tonight on my trip to Dallas and it got me thinking about how often we put on our happy face and pretend nothing is bothering us. I wonder how different the world would be if we were more real and we weren't afraid of being judged so we just told our secrets. Everyone has something that they are hiding. Sometimes they hide it for years. Sometimes we just tell the people we are close to and sometimes we hold it all in. Then I started thinking about the people that are affected most by this. The people who fear the judgment and are often the ones that we judge all the time, the people who we consider to be lower than us in society. Then I read this...

Matthew 5:13-17 in the Message

13"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

14-16"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

This reminded me that we are to show these people with the same respect and kindness we would show our best friend. We are to show them that someone does care and that we are that someone. We are to show them we care so that maybe they will see that God cares for them and he hasn't forgotten them.

I want to show the people who are often forgotten that God loves them and so do I. I want them to know just by having a short conversation with me that I care for them. I know I am not perfect but I hope I at least can be kind and caring most of the time.

Life...

Ok so I have been so busy lately it isn't even funny. School is kicking my butt right now. There are only 6 more weeks left. I register for classes for next semester a week from today. It is crazy to think that in two short semesters I will be done with school. It blows my mind. I have been stressing a lot about what I want to do in the future and God is showing me a lot about what is out there even in this city for me to do so that has been fun but tonight I go this since that I am supposed to look into doing some inner city work with a different church than the one I am going to now. It is a little scary but I feel like God has confirmed it a few times. It is something I am going to be praying about and we shall see where the pieces fall into place. Right now we are at the praying stage. Who knows where God will lead me or where this will take me.

life...

Well I have been really busy. Mostly with my own thoughts and struggles. Here are somethings that I have been stressing over....

School and what I am going to do afterwards. I have only two semesters left and then it is all over and I will be out in the real world and that is a little scary. I am trying to make decisions and see where God is leading me but it it hard.

I have also been struggling with the pull to have a boyfriend and to get married. It seems like everywhere I turn there are people getting married and everyone seems to have a boyfriend. It is not fun but I don't think that right now I have time for a boyfriend.

Most recently I have been worrying about my schedule next semester and if I am going to be able to work enough to pay the bills I have. That is scary.

But I am giving all of this to God and asking him to take it from me. I don't need to worry about it. He has a plan for me and he knows whats best. I need to just focus on life and enjoying what I have now.

Things are about to get super busy for me. This weekend is Fall Break still not really sure what I am doing. It is also our churches Truck and Treat so that will be fun. Next weekend I am going to a Jeremy Camp concert so excited, then the next weekend is the family retreat and I love that then the next weekend is the girls conference and then there is thanksgiving so things are crazy! Anyway I hope to post more later we shall see!

On the Mountain with God.

Ok so ACU holds this thing every year now called summit. Well the theme this year is on the mountain with God. Tonight I went and I am so glad that I did. The text of the night was Exodus 20 which is mostly the 10 commandments. He talked about how when you live close to the mountains you don't really have fenced in back yards but here in the flat lands you do. He then talked about how sometimes the fences in our lives our the rules and regulations (the 10 commandments). As he was talking I wondered these things...

1) How do you find a mountain (God) in the midst of the fences (rules) and nothingness (wilderness)?

2) If we are wondering around in the wilderness how and when do we find the mountain?

3) Is the mountain always there in the wilderness? Are we just not seeing it? Are we missing the clues that lead us to the mountain?

4)Have you ever wondered if the Israelites were tempted to make false gods because they could see them. I would think that it would be easier to worship something that I could see and touch than something that you can't see.

Just some thoughts I had I hope it makes you wonder. Comment if you have any thoughts on these questions.

My grandpa

In two days it will be 8 months since my grandfather passed away. I can remember it like yesterday. I was driving on the loop when I got the call that he had been rushed to the hospital and had reached campus when I found out that he had died. It was not a good day.

My grandpa was AMAZING! I loved him so much and he has taught me a lot over the years. He is the one that taught me that being a Christian is more than being a certain faith. He taught me that you don't have to know Greek to know what the Bible is saying and most of all he showed me how to love for all people. I wish that I had gotten to know him a little bit better and there are still so many questions that I have that I wished I could have asked. He was the one I always went to when I had questions out of the Bible. He seemed to know all of the answers or would look them up and get back to me.

I miss him so much and tonight as I set at Summit (ACU's big conference thing) I remembered him. We sang It is well with my soul which we sang at his funeral and it will always remind me of him. I cried but it was more tears of joy knowing that he is in heaven and one day I will get to see him again. I can say that since his death I have had to focus more on God because I didn't understand. I thought I wasn't ready but I can now see that it will all be ok. I have the memories to live with and to cherish. Don't get me wrong I have my days but today is a good day and he will always be a part of me. As Summit started tonight I got this since that he was there and that he loved me and then as things progressed we sang that song and it was a bittersweet moment. I feel like it was Gods way of saying I see you and I know what you have been through and I am here with you. It was kind of amazing!