I have been questioning everything lately. I think I have been asking too many questions or perhaps not the right questions. I am questioning my faith and if I believe in God or not. I know that sounds awful but that is how I am feeling. I feel lost and alone. I kind of feel like I am in a desert and it is dark outside and there is no light at all. Not even a moon or star to give off some light. I don’t know why I am feeling this or if it is something that everyone goes through but I do know that I hate it. I hate feeling like I am alone and far away from everything. I hate feeling like God isn’t there. I know he is but I just don’t feel it and as soon as I get close to him something else comes along to distract me and get me off track or as soon as I start to feel happy and unstressed something happens and someone needs my help with something. I don’t get why this is happening and I wish it would all just go away. I want to be close to God and I want to see him in everything I do but here lately that hasn’t been the case. I have seen him some but I want more. Is that natural for us to want more? I was telling someone about how I felt like I was in the desert and they told me that it isn’t a bad place to be. Jesus was in the desert for 40 days. That person also told me not to give in to temptations and it got me thinking about the last few months. I have given in to temptations and the feeling when I realized this was awful. I hate it. I feel like I need to get away from everything for awhile but I know that wont solve the problem. Then I think that this time of feeling all alone can only make me stronger and it will help me in the long run and I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I am hoping that this light comes sooner than later.
