There is a song by Ke$ha that isn't the best song in the world but I love the first line that says I'm in love alright with my crazy beautiful life. While I don't agree with what the song says that line is often in my head. I have lived so much of my life not sure of who I am and hating myself for who I was. I am starting to get out of that and I am falling in love with God who is my creator. Which is causing me to love myself for who I am. It has been an interesting few months and I have discovered a lot about who I am and whose I am. I guess you could say I am on a mountain top. But as I look at my life I really am in love with where I am at. Which to me is very different and is a new experience.
I used to wish I knew what was in store for my life at all times. I always wanted to know what was next and what could I do to change that outcome if I didn't like it. I had to be in control of my life. I have learned to reexamine myself and to realize that my priorities in life were out of order. I have turned my focus to God and I am happy with how things look.
I am learning to enjoy the surprises along the way. I am learning to enjoy life more and not anticipate. The unknown has always been a challenge to me but I am starting to understand that it can be an adventure. It is all in how you look at things. Life sends you curve balls that you cannot control and you have to somehow learn that it is ok to not be in control all the time. You learn to live with the craziness and be ok with it.
The next phrase of that song says with the parties and the disasters. I think about how sometimes life is a party and sometimes it seems like a disaster but you make it though. I have changed so much in the past few years. I am living alone, I don't have a job, I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't have a steady income. To the world my life is upside down and I should be falling flat on my face. Which is how I have spent a few months of my life. I let the enemy use these things to distract me. BUT I am focused now. With God beside me I fully believe I am right where he wants me. I have had time to focus on him and it has changed me for the better. I love that. I love that I am at peace with my life right now and I know that in God's timing everything will come together as it is supposed to. I will find a job which will give me a steady income. I believe that while living alone I do not have to be lonely. I have friends and I always have God. I also believe that someday I will be married. But it is all in Gods perfect timing. I must stay focused on him and wait for him to move.
I'm in love alright... with my crazy beautiful life!
