Its not about me.

I have realized over the past few weeks that I tend to focus more on me and what I want but I need to focus on God and what he wants with me. Another thing that I have realized is that I focus a ton on the negative in things and I am really hard on myself. I am working on fixing that but it is just so hard.

HAPPY MONDAY

So I haven't blog in awhile. I have just been super busy. Last weekend my brother had his Eagle court of honor and this last weekend I helped out with a youth retreat. It was fun but it wore me out. Now I am catching up on homework and my bible study. I have realized that I have trouble wrapping my head around the concept of being saved by the cross. I know that we are loved but I don't think I have quite gotten that we are REALLY loved. No matter what we do. Anyway I am going to get back to my homework now but that is just something I was thinking about and thought I would share it.

Talking with God

So yesterday I drove to Brownwood and for about 40 min I decided that I was not going to listen to the radio and I was just going to talk to God and just listen. Here are some of the things that I thought about.

noise- Everywhere we go there is noise. A train passing by, birds, tv, radio, passing by cars, and the list goes on and on. My question was can we ever be totally silence. So this thought is what lead me to turn off the radio and listen.

So I started talking to God and just telling him how I felt. I was talking out loud and then I thought that people who were passing by must think that I am crazy and talking to myself and then I was like next time someone asks me if I am talking to myself I am going to say that I am not talking to myself just talking to God. :))

Then while I was talking to God I heard him say shhhhhhh just listen so I did and he told me that he loves me and I am his which is something that I have been struggling with and something that I don't think I fully comprehend. Then I have been wondering what all I should be doing in ministry and when is too much. I think that he answered all of that for me. It was amazing.

seeking God

I am doing this bible study and it is kicking my butt. I have decided that the reason I questioned everything last semester was that I was too busy thinking and talking and not doing enough listening. I am working on listening better. I think that God wants me to realize how much he loves me and that he sees me differently than I see myself. He sees me as forgiven and as his child and I don't see myself that way. I am relearning all of this. I have also been longing for a friend who understands what I am going through and someone that I can talk to about anything and I just don't have that right now. I think that maybe God wants to fill that void in my life with his presence but I am just not letting him. So that is something that he is slowly letting me see. It is crazy. I am really starting to like this no cell phone thing. It gives me more time to listen and just be. Something else that I have realized is that being a college student and trying to be a Christian person in todays world is really really hard. Over half of the tv shows that I watch I probably shouldn't watch and over half the music on my ipod/computer I should probably delete. Most of my friends think I am crazy by now but I am not I am just trying to get my life back on track.

time and the cross

So I have decided that God is trying to tell me something and I know that he is trying to tell me something but evidently I still haven't quite gotten the message because he keeps telling me and to be quite honest I am starting to get a little annoyed with the same thing over and over again but I know that it is his way of saying hey you haven't gotten this yet. Listen you big dummy. He keeps telling me to slow down and enjoy the moment but I am finding that hard to do in todays world. We are so time consumed and everything has to start at this time and end at this time. I wonder what would happen if we showed up somewhere and just enjoyed each others company and never thought about what we needed to do next or I have all of this to do and I need to go do it now. Isn't life all about building relationships and growing with each other and watching Gods world go round? I am REALLY having a hard time this. My job is focused around a time frame and last Thursday I saw three different wrecks while I was on my route and I thought ok I need to slow down and just take my time. Things will get done when they get done. I also hate being late. I am one of those people that get ready at least 5 min before I need to be and I show up at least 5 min early. I just really hate being late. Anyway so I am trying to figure out what I can do for myself and just slow things down a little bit. I think I need to cut something out but I don't know what to cut. I don't feel over whelmed with anything that I am doing so for now I will just pray about it. The second thing that God keeps reminding me of is that he died on the cross just for me. This keeps coming up over and over again. I understand that he died on the cross to save me from sin but evidently I still haven't comprehended his love for me. I think I am going to pray about this too. Anyway I hope everyone has a great week and remember to live in the moment because time is so precious and you never know how much you have left.

Deer

Here are the pictures of me with deer. :)) My grandmother would take in deer that their mothers would reject because they couldn't take care of them.

Then here are some from not too long ago. Someone tamed a deer and he showed up in our front yard. He was really friendly and he gave our dogs a hard time. It was funny.

Pets

So I have always loved Animals!! I am at my parents house tonight becuase I am giving my dog a bath and taking her to my house for the week. I have really missed her. Right now she isn't too happy that she is in the bathroom still damp because I forgot my blow dryer but good things are to come. :)) I am not sure how she will get along with my cat but I guess we will find out. Here are a few pics to enjoy.

This one is the earliest one that I have with me and an animal. My mom thinks that I am three. I would sure hate to be that goat. :) This is at my grandmothers house.

This is the first goat that we got when we moved to the country.

More goats

These are some babies to the ones above.

Then came the donkey that we found and then it ran away but that is a story for another time.

Then during the goat and donkey times came the show pigs. I really do love pigs!! This was one of my sr pictures. I love this picture. There are two pigs here. These were my sr year pigs.

Last but not least my dog!! :)) I couldn't find a good picture of her so I will have to take one. I have had her since I was in the 5th grade so almost 9 years. CRAZY!! She is the one on the right. Her name is Silver. The other dog in this picture is Cooper. He is more like my brothers dog.

Well I guess that is all for now. I will try to post one with the deer pictures. I totally forgot about he whole deer pictures. My parents actually have one of me butt naked playing with deer at my grandparets. Really what where they thinking?? I think it was this will be great black mail!!