How do you see people?

When someone walks by you, do you automatically judge them? Do you think wow they look like a _______________ (insert whatever word you would like in the blank). Do not get me wrong I have often had these same thoughts but as I was walking in my neighborhood today and as I was driving around Abilene today, I started to notice the people around me.

These people have stories, a name, and someone who loves them. Even if these people have no one they still have God. They are a creation God created. Sure, they may have made some really bad choices in their lives but he still loves them.

If you are a parent and your child messes up do you just decided to forget about them and pretend they no longer exist. In most cases, I think that is not how a parent responds. I think most parents would try to work though whatever mess their child was in and at the end of the day they would still love that child. That is how I believe God sees us. His child who may sometimes make mistakes but his love is far greater than our mistakes. After all, he sent his son to dies on the cross to carry our sins (mistakes) to the grave! There in the grave, our sins died and Christ no longer sees them. He sees the good and the beautiful creature he created.

What if we as people started looking at other people through the eyes of Christ, not seeing the bad in people and trying to focus only on the good in people. What would happen? I think our world would be a different place maybe even a better place.

I also think about different situations that I have been in where maybe the clerk wasn’t so nice to me when I walked in that store or maybe my waitress was really rude and didn’t give me the attention I deserved. Maybe there is more to that story. Maybe that clerk and waitress just lost their house because they could no longer afford to pay rent but they had to come to work to make some type of living, or maybe they had someone really close to them die. On the other hand, maybe its something small like the last person they helped that day was a total jerk to them and now they are taking it out on you. You never know what might be going on in someone’s life and maybe it is what is behind the scenes that you can’t see that is making them act the way they are or maybe they are just grouchy, whatever the reason I still think that you should treat them as you would treat a friend.

Next time you see someone (anyone) be nice and treat them as Jesus would. After all, you have no idea what they are going through and you being nice to them might be the best thing that happened to them all week.

I am not saying I am great at this but this is something that I want to try and do better. I have been out in several areas of Abilene over the last few months and I have learned that there are many people who I feel are being over looked or just not noticed. There are tons of people suffering right here at home in our own city and when you take the time to be nice to them and listen to their story it makes a world of difference. They realize that someone cares and is taking time to listen to them. You might not have all the right words or know exactly how to help them but sometimes they just need a friend to listen to what is going on.

Be nice to the people you come in contact with today. You never know they might end up being more of a blessing to you than you were to them.

Cinderella

I'm reading a book and it starts off talking about the story of Cinderella. It asks you where do you see yourself. I think I normally see myself as one of the girls who tries her best but still doesn't get to dance with the prince and the slipper really doesn't fit no matter how hard I try. Let's face it I have big feet. I refer to them as boats most of the time. I don't think my foot would fit in the slipper. Then again I am not like everyone else. There aren't a ton of girls with feet as big as mine. The more I think of the story of Cinderella and all of my unique qualities the more I realize I might have a shot at being Cinderella. God created us all differently and I think or I hope that one day I will get to be Cinderella. I dream of the day when a boy will come sweep me off my feet and he will see me as the unique person I am. Slowly my confidence in myself is growing and I am realizing how special I am. I hope every girl can see her qualities that make her Cinderella. It is so much easier to see the Cinderella qualities in someone else but often times they have the same doubts you do. Today realize you have a shot just like every other girl in the ball room. Today might be your day. You might be Cinderella and make all the other girls jealous. You never know who is watching you and thinking man I wish I was like her. There is always someone wondering how you do it. You are Cinderella. You might still be waiting on the fairy godmother but your day will come. Until then know the truth. You are Cinderella. The world just might not know it. God created you. And God doesn't make something that isn't a beautiful creation!!

I'm in love alright with my crazy beautiful life!

There is a song by Ke$ha that isn't the best song in the world but I love the first line that says I'm in love alright with my crazy beautiful life. While I don't agree with what the song says that line is often in my head. I have lived so much of my life not sure of who I am and hating myself for who I was. I am starting to get out of that and I am falling in love with God who is my creator. Which is causing me to love myself for who I am. It has been an interesting few months and I have discovered a lot about who I am and whose I am. I guess you could say I am on a mountain top. But as I look at my life I really am in love with where I am at. Which to me is very different and is a new experience.

I used to wish I knew what was in store for my life at all times. I always wanted to know what was next and what could I do to change that outcome if I didn't like it. I had to be in control of my life. I have learned to reexamine myself and to realize that my priorities in life were out of order. I have turned my focus to God and I am happy with how things look.

I am learning to enjoy the surprises along the way. I am learning to enjoy life more and not anticipate. The unknown has always been a challenge to me but I am starting to understand that it can be an adventure. It is all in how you look at things. Life sends you curve balls that you cannot control and you have to somehow learn that it is ok to not be in control all the time. You learn to live with the craziness and be ok with it.

The next phrase of that song says with the parties and the disasters. I think about how sometimes life is a party and sometimes it seems like a disaster but you make it though. I have changed so much in the past few years. I am living alone, I don't have a job, I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't have a steady income. To the world my life is upside down and I should be falling flat on my face. Which is how I have spent a few months of my life. I let the enemy use these things to distract me. BUT I am focused now. With God beside me I fully believe I am right where he wants me. I have had time to focus on him and it has changed me for the better. I love that. I love that I am at peace with my life right now and I know that in God's timing everything will come together as it is supposed to. I will find a job which will give me a steady income. I believe that while living alone I do not have to be lonely. I have friends and I always have God. I also believe that someday I will be married. But it is all in Gods perfect timing. I must stay focused on him and wait for him to move.

I'm in love alright... with my crazy beautiful life!

Word of the year!

Every year I ask for a word. Thanks to my friend Candy. Last year my word was "new". It was amazing to watch how the word played out in my life throughout the year. There were a lot of "new" things this year that happened and a lot of ways the word "new" showed up.

To start the year off I moved to a "new" house with room mates which was a "new" experience.

I worked again at Fortress which wasn't "new" but they had a "new" director and I went with the Highland girls and that was "new".

I started co-teaching girls at Freedom which was a "new" experience for me and I love it.

I then graduated college and started to look for a job which is something I have never really do so it is a "new" experience.

I then moved again to a "new" house alone which I love. It isn't the best neighborhood in the world but I like it a lot.

Those are just a few examples that I can think of off the top of my head. I started asking God for a word this year and I heard several things so I thought but then as I kept asking the word "Hope" came up several times. So this year my word is "Hope". I can't wait to see all the ways God uses that word.

"Hope" is a very special word to me and I like it a lot. When I was asking for my word "Hope" came up on a job application for an adoption agency called "Hope", then later in several text messages where friends used the word "hope", then I realized that the word "hope" had been my password for my iphone for the last few months (guess I will have to change that now). :D Then I remembered a picture I had on my phone that had the word "hope" in it. It is an awesome picture of a brick wall and someone scratched the word "hope" onto a brick. I love it.

I really like the word "hope". I love these two definitions of "hope":
the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled
promise: grounds for feeling "hopeful" about the future

I have a lot to look forward too this year and I "hope" it is a great one! :D I can't wait to see what God does in 2011! I know he already has great plans for me.

Graduation

I haven't blogged in forever but Graduation is this week and I cannot believe that it is here. It seems like all you do growing up is got to school and then when you are finally finished it feels like you aren't ready. I am working on finding a new place to live and going through a lot of transitions. It is crazy to think that I could be done with school forever. I am nervous and scared and I have no idea what God has in store for me but I can't wait to see how it plays out. I have HUGE dreams and I hope to see some of them come true. I know that I am on a journey and I cannot wait to look back and see how everything plays out. It should be interesting....

Learning to Fall

Ok so I LOVE this song my Martina McBride called Learning to fall. Here is the video if it works.



The chorus:

Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall
Took years to build around me
And you came along
And you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all
Now it's a little scary
Learning to fall


I just love that. I think she wrote this song about a guy I am not sure but I can see so much biblical aspects that can play into this. I think so many times we build up walls in our lives and God comes in and breaks them down. AMAZING! God is sooo good.

Another part of the song that I like is the part that says I was holding on, now I'm letting go That is amazing to me as well. We all hold on to things but I think it is important to let go of them when the time is right. I have let go of a lot and God is still teaching me to let go of more and slowly but surely I think I will let it all go one day. But for now I have songs like this to remind me that I can build up walls but God will tear them down. :D

Final Week of Fortress

This week was hard but a lot of fun. Monday we had a water day for all the preK. It was fun watching them play in the water and have fun. Then it started getting really hot so we went in for lunch and watched a movie afterward. It was fun but we all knew it was almost the last day with the kids. After the kids went home we all worked on signs for the carnival we had on Tuesday.

Tuesday we got to work and set up for the carnival. It was a ton of fun. Our kids couldn’t do everything but they did a lot. We have bean bag toss, face painting, snow cones, cotton candy, and balloon animals. It was so much fun. After lunch our kids watched a movie and we took group pictures. My group shot turned into a dog pile. It was so fun though.

Wednesday the kids didn’t come but we all worked on getting the building cleaned. I ended up driving the van all over to drop stuff off. It was a ton of fun though. We then went to lunch and laughed a lot. Then I left and came back to Abilene.

If I had to say I learned one thing this summer it would be that I am blessed beyond belief. God is constantly changing me and working on me and I feel that I grew a lot this summer. When I would drive down Lancaster and see all the homeless people on the side of the road my heart would go out to them. I wanted to talk with them and find out their story. I realized that even though I don’t have a lot of money I am blessed to have a roof over my head and clean running water any time I want it. The kids I worked with were not always poor but they didn’t have a lot of money. It is a blessing to see them walk in everyday with a smile on their face. You could tell they were ready to have fun. I am going to miss Fortress and miss those kids but I think God has something big planned for my future. I just have to wait and see what that is.

Fortress Week 7

This week was another short week. We did not have anything to do on Sunday night so I went to Keller and got to hang out with my host family. It was fun. I do not get to see them very much because I work a lot and my hours are normally long.

Monday I went to work, which was hard because I know that, my time is ending there and these kids have found their way into my heart. Anyway, one little girl comes running up asking me where her friend from last week was. She was so confused. She didn’t understand why they weren’t back. It was really sweet. The Highland girls did great and made an impact on the Fortress kids. We had our normal daily routine. It was fun. We roasted marshmallows (pretended) but the kids loved it.

Tuesday we had some down time in the morning, I sat on the floor with the kids, and they were all over me. I felt like a jungle gym but it was fun. Then we had our centers, which was fun. Then we had lunch and had trail mix while we watched Stewart little. One little boy told us that it was Stewart Lewis that we were watching and that he was Stewart Lewis (or rat boy). It was really funny and cute.

I know that this next week will be great but it is going to be hard knowing that I won’t be going back. I love each and every one of those kids so much. We are having fun though. Monday is a water day and Tuesday we are having a carnival. It should be fun and I am glad that I get to be with the kids. :D BUT I know that I will cry when they all go home.

Fortress Week 6

This week was very different from the last few weeks. I went to Fortress with the youth group from Highland. We left Abilene around 3:30 on Sunday. Since I was with the group, they did not have to go to Fortress for orientation. I was able to do it with them. When we got to the DFW area, we had dinner and then headed to the church building where we were staying. We stayed in a gym that had an emergency light that never went off. It was fun though. We got everything ready and set up and then I led the group in orientation. We had a short devotional and then the kids found out who they would be paired with for the week. They prayed over their kid and we went to bed.

Monday we got up really early packed everything up and headed out to breakfast. After breakfast, we went to Fortress. The youth group just hung out while the kids showed up and ate breakfast. Then we loaded everyone up and headed to the children’s museum. The museum was awesome. I think we could have spent a lot more time there. The girls from the youth group loved getting to know their kids. It was so much fun. Then the youth group went and got a tour of Union Gospel. I love that place. It is pretty amazing what they are doing.

Tuesday we went and saw Toy Story 3. The kids loved it. Towards the end of the movie, one of the kids got scared and the girls he was with brought him to me. He wanted his brother. I told him that he could see him after the movie and he just stayed with me. It was really sweet. Then the youth group did a thing called pay it forward. They got $50 to spend and had to think of something nice to do. My group decided to get bus passes for the next day and we went to the down town bus transfer and passed them out. It was pretty amazing to watch the way people reacted. People do not think that someone would do something like that for free. Then we went on the prayer drive. I think that is one of my favorite things to do because you get to see the neighborhood that the kids you have been working with all week live in. There are a lot of run down houses, vacant lots, and boarded up houses. It is crazy to see it all but it allows people to see what kind of houses the kids go home to at night.

Wednesday we took the kids to the zoo. I had never been to the Fort Worth Zoo. It was hot but fun. All the kids loved it. We then had lunch at the Zoo and then headed back to Fortress. After all the kids said their good-byes, we left and headed back to the church to pack up and head to the Rangers game. The game was hot but fun. I am just starting to get into baseball and I have only seen like two games ever. It was fun though. We then headed to Farmers Branch to stay at a house that some people had just moved out of. The house was HUGE. It was a little crazy. I slept in a closet with 5 other people on air mattresses and we still had room to spare. It was fun though. One girl said how this house makes me feel is how the Fortress kids would feel if they came to my house.

Thursday we hung out for the morning, swam, and just chilled. Then around 1 we packed up and headed out. It was a ton of fun. I got to know some people I did not know very well and spend some quality time with some of the girls I have been missing.

My favorite part of the whole trip was listening to the girls I have worked with and lived near talk about the Fortress kids. I would start crying every time they started talking. I love the Fortress kids so much and it was amazing for me to be able to share them with people from home. It just helped me realize even more that I want to work with low income or poor families. I have a gift with them and they always seem to find a place in my heart. I only have two more weeks at Fortress and I know that they are not going to be easy. Saying good-bye, this year will be hard.

Fortress Week 5

This week was another short week. I did not even go to Fort Worth until Monday morning. I left Abilene at 5:30 a.m. and if you know me then you know that I am not a morning person but I really enjoy driving to Fort Worth that early. I got to watch the sun come up. It was pretty awesome. It felt like I was watching the world wake up. When I got to Fortress, I got ready for the day because I was leading things this week. Then when King showed up he ran to me and gave me a big hug. It is becoming a daily thing but I would have to say that I love it. :D

Everything went well for the day. Then I went on the prayer drive with Stacy. It was awesome. She did a great job. We went to Hillside Park and looked out over the city. I love the view from there. Between where we were standing and where down town starts is where the kids we work with live. It is just pretty amazing to look out over all of them.

Tuesday we had a group of 8 show up to work with our kids so it was a little crazy but fun. We did many hands on things and a lot of coloring. It was fun for the youth group but I did not interact with the kids so it was a little boring but I loved watching the kids interact with the group. It was a fun day.

I am looking forward to next week because Highland (my home church) is coming to take the preschoolers on a field trip. I can’t wait its going to be so much fun. :D

Fortress Week 4

This week was another short week but it was a long one at the same time. I got to Fortress on Sunday, we had a short meeting, and then we had orientation with the youth group that came that week. Then I stayed and help paint a little bit. I didn’t do much but I did some. The week we had off a group showed up and they started redoing the bathroom but they didn’t finish the bathroom so I helped a little.

Monday came around and the kids showed back up. I really do love all of our little ones. They are just so cute. King showed up and ran to me and gave me a big hug. He is so cute. I love that kid. This week we learned about kindness and goodness. We gave the kids stickers for being good or kind. It was fun. I really do love all the little kids that come to Fortress. Their personalities are starting to come out a lot more. It is so fun to see them start acting like themselves.

This week during circle time we told the kids we had to sing the fruit of the spirit song and William just started singing it and sang the whole song. It was kind of amazing. I mean we have been singing it for the last few weeks but they haven’t really been singing with us so our little preschoolers really are listening more than we think they are. They then got to go in front of the elementary kids and sing the song to them. It was pretty amazing.

This week some of the Fortress kids went to a VBS at a church about 30 min away. They all talked about how much fun it was. I got to go with them on Monday night. It was interesting but fun. I really love the kids that come to Fortress.

It was a great week and I am looking forward to next week. :D

Love Them Like Jesus

I love this song. I haven't heard it in forever and the other day on my way to Fort Worth it came on and it just fit my life. There is so much going on right now that I don't even know where to begin and sometimes I just don't want to do when I am faced with the situations I am faced with.

The other day I was doing neighborhood walkers and we found out that one of our neighbors husbands was put in jail about a month ago. He didn't really have anything to do with what he was charged with but because he had a previous record he was told the best thing to do is to serve the 10 months and not try to fight it. This broke my heart. Yes this guy might have been rough in the past but he is the sweetest older man you will ever meet and now he is in jail. It breaks my heart. His wife (the one who told us) is having a hard time and I was not sure what to say so I said what came to mind and I told her to call me if she needed anything. I may not have the answers to why this is happening to them but I can be there for them right now.

So many times in my life I am thrown into situations that I thought I would NEVER know how to deal with and I have done really well at that time and in that moment. I know that it is because God is with me and he is telling me to love them like he would. You don't always have to know what to say you just have to be able to be with them and show them that you care about them. In the end that is what matters.

When someone you know is hurting reach out to them and show them that you care.

Week off

This week I do not go to Fortress. It is kind of a good thing. I ended up getting a sinus infection so I took some time to rest. I feel a lot better now. I kind of miss the kids though. They are a ton of fun. I think this week is going to be a good restful week. I am also working on some school stuff so the time away will give me time to work on that. Fortress is counting as my practicum for school which is basically an internship. I have to acquire 125 hours and keep a daily journal and do some other paperwork. Anyway Look for an update next week after I get back from Fortress. :D Have a great week.

Fortress Week 3

This week was the first week I did not stay through Wednesday. I had to leave Tuesday night to babysit on Wednesday. This week was about patience. I find it interesting that when we were learning about patience my patience level seemed very low. We did several things this week that made it a fun week at Fortress.

Monday we had worm races because a worm does not move very fast or move at all when you have them race, so the kids had to have patience as they waited on the worms to move. The kids had fun with this though. Bob, who is constantly making me laugh, decided to play with his worm. He picked it up, held it, and was very interested in the worm. At one point, he picked up his worm and started swinging it around. I told him that he was going to kill his worm. He then told me that it was ok because his worm was not scared. It was really cute.

Another game we played was we put a sucker in front of every child. We told them that if they did not eat the sucker for two whole minutes they would get another sucker. Then I set a timer and we watched. Bob started to eat his sucker. We told him that he was out. After about one minute, Bob wrapped up his sucker and told us that he was just tasting it for a minute. It was really cute but he still didn’t get another sucker.

Tuesday we did a lot of the same games from Monday but we also did other things like plant flowers, and do some coordination things. It amazes me how much I love each and every kid that I am working with. They all have different personalities and they are starting to show more and more. It is going to be hard to leave when the summer is over.

Fortress Week 2

Week 2 Fortress

This week we learned about Peace. We taught the children how we were nice to our friends and we did not fight. Here are some stories from this week…

Monday I went out to play hide-n-seek (this is becoming a daily thing but it is so cute and I love it) they are all hiding (well not really well because they are three) and I go looking for them. I walk outside and I hear them all in this one little plastic playhouse. I know that is where they are but Jack (has a bat in his hand and is standing in front of the door to the house) looks up at me and says “They gone.” It was so funny and really cute. I find them all in the house after looking everywhere else and Mack jumps out the window of the house. It is really funny to watch them all play.

Last week we learned about Joy and we told them that Joy meant really happy. Avery was doing a puzzle where you match opposite things together to make one piece and while she was doing that, she found a piece that said happy. She ran up to me and said teacher look we learned about this last week. It was really sweet.

By Wednesday, all the kids have gotten to know us really well. They are very hands on and want to sit in our laps when we are on the rug (it is a big rug that we do circle time on). It is kind of sweet but after awhile you get tired of little kids wanting to have their hands all over you. And if you know me really well I am not big on the whole touchy feely thing. I mean I like it every once in awhile but not all the time. I guess I am going to get out of my comfort zone this summer. :D It won’t be a bad thing.

This week with Urban, we went on a tour of the Presbyterian Night Shelter (PNS). That was amazing and very eye opening. It is a night shelter that takes is about 700 homeless people every night. They have a big building for men and woman with one side being men and the other side being women. We went upstairs and when you are up there, you can see down on all of the mats. As we are looking at this I was reminded of the invisible children DVD when it shows all of the kids sleeping side by side in a small room. That is what this felt like. There weren’t a lot of people there when we were but it was just rows and rows of mats maybe two inches from each other. That is a lot of people in one place but I think it is a good thing. I have driven down Lancaster (the street where most of Fort Worth’s homeless population lives) at night and there are still a ton of people on the street. If the PNS is taking in 700 people imagine how many more are still on the streets. It breaks my heart.

I hate to say this but Fort Worth is growing on me and it is becoming more and more a place where I would want to live. I really want to do some type of work with low income or poor families or just people and there is a lot of that in Fort Worth.

Well that is my week. It was a great one. I really love the kids I work with. They are all so sweet. Oh I almost forgot I have a new name. Anne doesn’t call me Miss Heather she calls me Miss Feather. It is kind of cute and if you know any of the new 7th grade girls at Highland they all call me Heather Feather Bird Duck Flamingo. Yes that is all one name. It is just funny that Anne calls me Feather. I kind of like it. :D

Fortress week 1

This week was the first week of summer JAM (Jesus and me). It was a great first week. This summer we are doing the fruits of the spirit. Every week we will be talking about love because it is the most important. The kids we are working with do not always receive love at home. This week we also learned about Joy. I am working with the preschoolers ages 3-5. They are really cute. The first day we had 8 children and the next two days we had 11. During outside time Anne has started asking me to play hide-n-seek with them. It is sweet. I count and they hide. They are not very good at hiding so I pretend to not see them and look everywhere else. They love this. Bob normally will yell and say, “We are over here.” I ignore this because the game would not be as much fun. We then go inside for some circle time where the children learn about the lesson for the day. This week we learned about our faces, bodies, and emotions, which led up to Joy. It was very interesting and the kids loved it. We drew ourselves and colored what we looked like one day, we finger painted one day to see that we were all had different finger prints, and we painted paper plates the color of our skin then found eyes, ears, noses, and mouths to make a face. Overall, I think it was a great week.

Two days this week, I got the opportunity to lead Urban Experience. For those that do not know Fortress has youth groups come in every week to help run the program and they go on some type of Urban Experience every day to learn a little about the neighborhood. The group I took went to Union Gospel Mission (the book “Same Kind of Difference As Me” was written about the mission) and got a tour. I loved this and got the idea that it would be somewhat neat to go volunteer to help feed or do something over there once a week after I finish at Fortress. I know that sounds crazy but working with homeless people is something that I enjoy. I am going to call tomorrow and see what I need to do in order to be able to volunteer.

I will end with a story. Bob is very cute and makes me laugh often. Today they were doing puzzles. Mike was doing a puzzle and dropped it as he went to put it up, Bob helped him pick it up and then told him here you go man just hold it with two hands. It was really cute. Bob has a really funny personality and often makes me laugh. <

Well, that is week one. I hope to sit down at the end of every week and write out what happened. We shall see how well that works.

**Names have been changed

Summer 2010

WOW I can't believe that summer is alerady here. It is going by so fast. I thought I would let the ones who read this still know what is going on in my life....

My summer plans are kind of crazy but I am going back to Fortress, babysitting, and working my normal job. Many people ask how this will look so here is a typical week for me this summer....

Sunday night I will drive to Fort Worth. Monday-Tuesday (and a few Wednesdays) I will be interning at Fortress. I am super pumped and I can't wait. I think it is going to be amazing and I am so excited about it. I will drive back to Abilene on Tuesday night.

Wednesdays are a little different every week but most weeks I will be babysitting two children one is a 5 year old boy and the other is a 4 year old girl so far it has been very eventful.

Thursday and Friday I will work my other job that I normally work during the school year. So that is going to be fun.

Saturday and Sunday I will have the day off to rest and just chill from the week. I will need it TRUST ME.

I know that this is a CRAZY summer schedule but I think it will be amazing and to be honest when I got the call asking me to come to Fortress I knew that it was going to make my summer crazy but I wanted to be there and I have a special place in my heart for that place and those kids. I will try to do a better job about blogging this summer but to be honest I don't know if it will happen. I will try though. This first week is going to be crazy because I am taking an online summer class right now and the first week of Fortress (next week) is my last week of class. Anyway this is my crazy summer and I will try to update it.

Love,
Heather

P.S. please be praying for me this summer. Thanks!

Worry

Ok so I worry A LOT about things. More than I should and when I am worried about things my stomach gets all up set and it is not good for me. Anyway tonight we were at soaking and it was amazing. I loved it. Something kind of cool happened though. You know how you have those dreams where you are falling? Well I kind of had one but instead of me falling I felt that God was taking a burden away from me. It was a weird feeling but amazing. I feel so much more at peace about things than I did. I felt that God was saying quit worrying and hand everything over to me. I can handle this and I am not going to give you too much. I know what your limits are and I know just how strong you are. I got this. It was a sweet time in the presence of God. :D

America

I just watched a movie called "America." Dr. Maureen Brennan (Rosie O'Donnell), a psychiatrist at a youth treatment center, encounters her newest patient, a 16-year-old biracial boy named America. Through their sessions, Dr. Brennan helps America come to terms with his roller-coaster life, which began when he was taken by authorities from his crack-addicted mother and placed into foster care as an infant. In this emotional story, Dr. Brennan works to help him open up about his painful past and discover the support and courage he needs to get his life back on track. This Lifetime Original Movie is based on the book “America” by E.R. Frank.

I really liked this movie. I think it shows what some children go through in the foster care system and by the time they turn 18 they age out of the system and then there is no hope for them. They either end up on the streets, they are incarcerated, or they end up dead a few lucky kids actually find a way to survive. To me this is a sad thing. I feel that we could be doing so much more to help these teens who get lost in the system.

As graduation approaches and I learn more and more about what is going on in the world around me it makes me want to go out and do something to change what goes on. I have no idea where God wants me or where I will end up but I know I have big dreams and I want to change the world.

Girls are like apples.

The other day I was feeling like a failure and that I was never going to find my "happy ever after" then my friend sent me this quote...

Girls are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing! They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way up.

So to all the girls who think they aren't good enough and that they will never find their "happy ever after" just hold on to this thought and know that you are amazing!

The Brick

I just received this e-mail and thought I would share it....

The Brick!!!

A young and successful
executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,
going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.. He was
watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down when he thought he saw
something.

As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to
the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry

driver then jumped out of the

car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up

against a parked car shouting,

'What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that
brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why
did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic.
'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't
know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the
brick because no one else would stop....' With tears
dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth
pointed to a spot just around a parked car.. 'It's my
brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him
up.'

Now sobbing, the boy
asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and
he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words,
the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat... He hurriedly lifted the
handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took
out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything
was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless
you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too
shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk
toward their home..

It was a long, slow
walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair
the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life
so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to
get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and
speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have
time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's
our choice to listen or
not.

Thought for the
Day:

If God had a
refrigerator, your picture would be on
it.

If He had a wallet,
your photo would be in
it.

He sends you flowers
every spring.

He sends you a sunrise

every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about

you!

God didn't promise
days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun
without rain, but He did promise strength for the
day, comfort for the tears, and light for the
way.

Read this line very
slowly and let it sink
in...

If God brings you to
it, He will bring you through
it.

Temptation

I am in two different classes where we are talking a lot about sex this semester. It has been very interesting and I have actually enjoyed it. Sex is a topic we often ignore. I don't really understand that but we often do ignore or act like sex is something that doesn't happen among the Christian population. Something we have said over and over again in our class is that the world is yelling that sex is ok to have no matter what relationship you are in and at the same time the church quietly says no but doesn't really say why or talk about it much. This is something I don't really understand. Why are we afraid to say something about sex? Why is it something that we can't talk about? Today we talked about the temptation to have sex before marriage. We talked about how in the Bible it never really says "Do not have sex before marriage." I wonder if part of this is because it wasn't really that big of a deal in the Bible times. I mean people went through puberty and were married in a year or two. But in our cultural we go through puberty and then have to deal with sexual temptation for about 10 years before we are married. It is hard to wait that long and for a teenager 10 years is a lifetime. I hadn't really thought about my own walk with temptation until today. I have never really be tempted sexually until lately. I think a lot of that is because of my past. I went through some stuff in High School that made me not want to be around guys at all. It wasn't until recently after I have dealt with all that stuff that I have started thinking about a relationship with a guy and that leads to temptation. I think in some ways this has been amazing for me. I didn't have to deal with all of that stuff. I mean don't get me wrong I dealt with a lot but I have gotten over it. I don't think I could be a teenager in todays world and not be tempted to go to far. Temptation is hard but I am glad I am in classes where we all talk about how it is something that we all struggle with.

BOYS!!!

Ok I don’t know who is all still reading this but I mostly am writing just to put my feelings out there and to get them off my chest.

So lately I have been feeling this HUGE pressure to find a guy and move on with my life and get married and have kids and live happily ever after. Well I have not had the best of luck in this area but you gotta try right?!?! Well I have been feeling this pressure from the world, after all it feels as if everyone I know is getting married lately or having babies or both. I want to have a family of my own so badly. I have been praying that if I am supposed to stay single that God would take the desire away and that I would be at peace with my life. I feel that the more I pray that prayer the stronger the desire becomes. So I am guessing that one day I will get married and have a family I just don’t know when. I am not so great at the whole waiting for things to happen. Ok I’m not good at waiting at all. I really stink at it. I get frustrated and I want to just take things into my own hands but I know that God has something planned for me and it is all in his timing. I mean after all I never would have thought I would be where I am today. I went through some stuff in High School and after a long healing process I am finally ok with boys being around me and I long for that relationship but not with just any boy. My standards are set REALLY high and I value myself a lot so not every boy I run into on the street fits into my standards. So for now I will just wait and hope and pray that one day God will bring the right guy along that I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life and we can live happily ever after. But the waiting and longing is so not fun!

Resting

Ok so tonight at soaking Amy talked about how we need to rest in the midst of craziness. Well these last few weeks I have been so busy being social and not really focusing on my relationship with God all that much. I haven't really taken time out to just be us together. Sure I have read my Bible and done some volunteer work but I haven't actually sat down and just listened and existed with God. I have been too busy. That has to change. I have to have more time with God just the two of us together. With out those quiet times I get too wrapped up in me and what I need. I get selfish. It is not a good thing. I feel that lately I have been very self centered and I need to turn my focus to what God wants with me and for me. Soaking really showed me that tonight. I came home and one of my friends wanted me to go watch a movie with her. I have to get up early for class and I have to do some things tomorrow so I declined plus they are watching a scary movie which I am not really a fan of. Tonight I am going to bed pretty early (before 1) and Im going to get some much needed rest. Tonight I realized how crazy my life has been the last few weeks with out God in it. That must and will change starting now.

Sing Song and SNOW!!!

So this last weekend was sing song. I was in the senior act. It was fun but Im glad it is over. I did the whole sing song thing once and that was enough for me. Anyway....

Its another snow day. I have to say I love the snow days. They are pretty amazing. I love how everything is so white and pretty. I love how children (and big kids) get to play out in the snow and make snow men and have snowball fights. Its amazing. I just really love snow. Even though it comes with its down sides it is pretty amazing.

Lent

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what I want to give up for lent. I have thought about several things but the thing I have decided on is that I am going to give up some time. I want to spend more time in the word everyday. I am thinking about doing a 40 day bible study called "A Call to Die" by David Nasser. a 40 day journey of fasting from the world and feasting on God. I have attempted to do this bible study before. It is no walk in the park but I think that I should try it again. I think it will be a good thing to do and it will allow me to work on spending more time in the word. I want to spend time with the bible study and just time reading the word everyday. I think it will be good for me. We shall see how it goes. This means I will have to say no to some things in order to keep it up.

So when I was thinking about lent I thought about how much time I spend running around and doing things that are all focused on me. I then thought about how different my life would be if I took time to just exist and listen to God. So I thought that I would spend more time with God and less time on me and what I need to do in the world. We shall see how it goes.

Heavy Heart

Lately the homeless and poor of Abilene have been on my mind. I started volunteering at Love and Care ministries (an organization that helps the homeless and poor in Abilene) on Mondays. I have now gone two weeks. Both weeks I have helped stalk food on the shelves in the pantry. The food that was there last week is gone and the shelves are restocked. It is crazy for me to see how much food they go through in a week. It breaks my heart to see everything that is going on kind of behind the scenes on the streets of Abilene. Then last week an article came out that there are something like 634 students going to school in Abilene who are considered homeless. This to me is so sad and again it breaks my heart. Why are we not doing anything about this problem? Why aren't we becoming more aware and trying to solve the problem of homelessness? I really want to someday work with the homeless and poor of Abilene. I want to meet the families that are living on the streets. I want to know their stories. God is really laying this on my heart lately and the more and more I am drawn to this topic the more it shows up. Like just a few days ago I heard about two girls who I know are living in a house with no furniture because their dad lost his job and they had to sell everything so they have a roof over their head. That breaks my heart.

So on Tuesday I drove a route for work and I started thinking about all of this and the thought came to me if my heart is aching this much for just a few of Gods people how much more is his heart aching for all the people in the world. I only know of a few stories but he knows all of our stories. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. My heart is heavy for the people I know about and the ones I am working with and pray that God continues to show me his people and allow me to be a light in their life or for them to be a light in mine. But I can't even fathom knowing every single persons story in the whole wide world. That blows my mind.

New

This is my 300th blog. I think that is pretty amazing! :D I have had a blog for awhile now.

----------------------------------

I have been thinking and asking for a word of the year. I wasn't 100% sure what is was until last night at soaking. I kept getting the word NEW but I wasn't sure if that was just because I was starting over or if it was because that was my word but all through soaking I got the same word so I thought this must be my word.

Then after we had soaked they went around the room and spoke words over us. It came to be my turn and Amy asked me if I had received anything. Which I had but I am not really one to just come out and share things with a group of people unless I know them all pretty well but I did. I have been hearing God say that this year was going to be a good year and this year would be one of starting over and starting NEW. I just love that. Last night it was all just confirmed for me. After I said all of this they said well that is good but lets see what else we get. Joy came up and I love that because I feel like now that I have gotten through everything I was going through and I drop the baggage I had been carrying around I have a NEW found joy. I love that. Then someone said a football goal which she thought meant you are going to reach your goals. Right after that someone said hope. Which I thought was interesting because I immediately thought about one of my dreams. I want to someday start an inner city ministry to children and youth and one of the names I had thought about was Hope. So it was just really amazing that those two things happened back to back. Then another person said dreamer. I just love that. I feel that God is doing great things trough me and in me and he will continue to use me in amazing ways. I can't wait to see what is in store for me in 2010! :D

---------------------------------------------------------

On another note part of my NEW beginnings I am moving this weekend. I am going to live with one of my friends which I think will be so fun and will be good for me. I have realized that because of everything that happened and letting go of all that I was carrying around I have become so free and I have started doing things that college aged kids do like stay out all night and other fun things. I think I am going to enjoy this NEW life of mine. :D

Rich or poor

Check out this Nooma Video. It will make you feel so thankful and blessed for what you have. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4657662595934098105#docid=-1744463994542090095

I have thought a lot about what I want to do with my life. I recently saw this video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0 (thanks Lindi)

It made me realize that what I am doing now I might never fully see how big it is but someday I will get to see it all.

I have decided that I want to work with inner city families. I was thinking about how crazy that is considering how much I love the country life and the quietness of the neighborhood and how most inner city neighborhoods are not so quiet. Then I got to thinking about the qualities that I love about inner city work. They don't have all the glamours things that other people have and for the most part life is simple but what they do have the often times share. They sit on their front porches and just enjoy life because they can't afford to just run off and go do something but to them sitting is fun and it is something they do. They might play a game or just talk with the neighbors. This I love about inner city work. They know how to have fun with out spending too much money and often times it is more fun than you would think it would be. They may not have much but I also think that makes them a better neighbor and friend. They get that life is short and that it might be hard and that is when you rely on each other to help you though that time. To me the neighborhoods that don't have as much money seem more neighborly than the ones that have lots of money. This is why I love inner city work. I know it is dangerous and that it won't be easy but it will be rewarding and fun. To me I can see the similarities of inner city living and country living.

The tower of Babel

I have been thinking about race a lot lately. It has divided us in so many ways. Then I started thinking. Where did race come from? We all came from Adam and Eve right?!? Then they were all wiped out in the flood and only Noah's family survived. So we are all coming from one couple. If that is the case then how did we get all these different races?

Then I started thinking about what happened after the flood. The tower of Babel happened. It makes me wonder if that is when we started to have different races. I mean we know that is when we had different languages. According to Genesis the LORD scattered them all over the Earth and caused them to have different languages. Then I did what almost any college kid would do. I googled where did race come from? I found a really cool website (www.christiananswers.net/q-aig/race-definition.html) that explained it very well I thought. It basically said that our skin color is determined on the amount of melanin (a dark brownish pigment in our skin) is produced. If you have no melanin you are considered albino. I found this interesting so we are all from the same people our melanin has just changed. I don't really know what to think about all of this but for now this makes since to me.

I do find it interesting that race has caused us to be so diverse just as language causes us to not be able to communicate with one another. If you go back to the tower of babel it was all because of what humankind did wanting to be a part of God and be with God. It is fascinating to me how much we stereo-type other races but we are really all the same race. If we are all from one couple and we believe that then why don't we love everyone around us? Aren't we all just one big happy family?I also find it interesting that race is such a big issue still today. If this is true and we are all from one couple then we are related and we have treated our brothers and sisters with unkind behavior in the past and some people continue to do so today.

I want to do more studying on this but for now this is all I have. Post a comment and let me know what you think.