seeking God

I am doing this bible study and it is kicking my butt. I have decided that the reason I questioned everything last semester was that I was too busy thinking and talking and not doing enough listening. I am working on listening better. I think that God wants me to realize how much he loves me and that he sees me differently than I see myself. He sees me as forgiven and as his child and I don't see myself that way. I am relearning all of this. I have also been longing for a friend who understands what I am going through and someone that I can talk to about anything and I just don't have that right now. I think that maybe God wants to fill that void in my life with his presence but I am just not letting him. So that is something that he is slowly letting me see. It is crazy. I am really starting to like this no cell phone thing. It gives me more time to listen and just be. Something else that I have realized is that being a college student and trying to be a Christian person in todays world is really really hard. Over half of the tv shows that I watch I probably shouldn't watch and over half the music on my ipod/computer I should probably delete. Most of my friends think I am crazy by now but I am not I am just trying to get my life back on track.