A Call To Die.

I started this Bible Study with a friend of mine. The book is called A Call To Die. It challenges you to give something up for the 40 days that you are doing the Bible study. So I gave up my cell phone. Now in todays world it is hard for a college aged person to not have a cell phone. They are everywhere. Just stay in one spot and watch. I bet you at least every other person that passes you will be on the phone or doing something with their phone. To be quite honest they probably won't even realize that you are standing there.

I think in todays world we are becoming so technological that it is hard for us to have real relationships. I am one who loves spending time with people. I have fun just sitting and talking for hours. Are we missing something from not being personal with each other? I think that the answer is yes. You can't tell what someone is really thinking over the phone. You can't see the way they are acting like by their body language. If you were to go to a foreign country 80% of what you did to try to talk to people would be by your body language (a smile a hug a handshake).

Don't get me wrong I love talking on the phone. It is well was something that I did all the time. That is why I gave it up. Since I have done this I have realized how we are starting to do less listening and more talking. If we never listen then how are we to hear God? I think that this is something that I was having a problem with. Since I started this Bible Study I have listened more to God and he keeps telling me that I am never alone. It has been a constant theme over the past few days. God often speaks though me in songs. My favorite song at the moment is a song by Mainstay called Hang on. It is amazing. You should take the time to listen to it. I tried to find it on youtube but I didn't have much luck.

Another song I love by them is called Your Not Alone. I did find this one on youtube and I think it is an amazing way to do a song so take the time to watch this video.




Anyway I am going to try to keep things posted on here of what is happening with my life and how I am being changed. I hope you have a blessed day and I will be writing soon.

life

Well I haven't blogged in awhile. I have been really busy. I was leaving church this morning and I started thinking about how church is supposed to be the one place you can come and be yourself and still be accepted but it has turned into a place where everyone comes on Sunday mornings and Wed nights and they put on a smile and act as if everything is just find and dandy. Well most days it isn't. No one is perfect and everyone has problems. Even the people you think have it all together. I have been asked by several people this week if I am happy and I keep telling people that I am happy and that I am just stressed but I think that they truth in the situation is no I am not happy. I am feeling distanced from God and not really sure how to find him. I have been looking and still don't feel him. I know he is with me but I am in a low point and it is starting to get frustrating. I long to be close to him. I am starting a Bible study and working on surrounding myself with Christians and finding an accountability partner so my hope is that all of this will help me in the long run. I guess my challenge to you is to not be fake with people. Be real with them. Tell people what is really going on in life. I know that is hard but it is something that if we all did I think the world would be a much better place!

Thoughts on choosing our feelings

I was in philosophy today and I think it changed my thinking on a lot of things. We talked about free will and Jean-Paul Sartre. Sartre's view is that we never take responsibility for our actions like we should. We all have excuses and we don't just say that we choose to do something else instead. Like saying I choose to go to the movies instead of writhing that paper do doing that homework so that is why I don't have it but then isn't that an excuse in itself. I am not sure. I do think that we should take responsibility for our actions. I wonder how different would our world be if we all did this.
We also talked about how we choose out own emotions. We choose to be happy, sad, depressed. I am not sure what I think about this. I do think tit is right to some extent but I think that some emotions are brought on by circumstances. Like if something emotionally happens to you it makes you feel a certain way. Like if someone you are close to dies you are more than likely going to feel sad about that. This is where I am not sure if you choose that feeling. If you are sad because of something that happened to you then how can that be something that you choose.
I have thought quite a bit about this and I was thinking about feeling Gods absents. If we are feeling like Go d isn't with us then is that something that we are choosing. According to Sartre it would be something that we are feeling but I don't believe that. I do believe that we choose our feelings to some extent but we don't totally choose our feelings. When things happen to use it causes us to feel a certain way. I do think that we can choose to change how we feel when we are in those situations but for the most part that feeling is brought on by things out of our control.

Thoughts lately

I have been questioning everything lately. I think I have been asking too many questions or perhaps not the right questions. I am questioning my faith and if I believe in God or not. I know that sounds awful but that is how I am feeling. I feel lost and alone. I kind of feel like I am in a desert and it is dark outside and there is no light at all. Not even a moon or star to give off some light. I don’t know why I am feeling this or if it is something that everyone goes through but I do know that I hate it. I hate feeling like I am alone and far away from everything. I hate feeling like God isn’t there. I know he is but I just don’t feel it and as soon as I get close to him something else comes along to distract me and get me off track or as soon as I start to feel happy and unstressed something happens and someone needs my help with something. I don’t get why this is happening and I wish it would all just go away. I want to be close to God and I want to see him in everything I do but here lately that hasn’t been the case. I have seen him some but I want more. Is that natural for us to want more? I was telling someone about how I felt like I was in the desert and they told me that it isn’t a bad place to be. Jesus was in the desert for 40 days. That person also told me not to give in to temptations and it got me thinking about the last few months. I have given in to temptations and the feeling when I realized this was awful. I hate it. I feel like I need to get away from everything for awhile but I know that wont solve the problem. Then I think that this time of feeling all alone can only make me stronger and it will help me in the long run and I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I am hoping that this light comes sooner than later.

School

I have started school once again. This year was very weird. I am not sure how I feel about public School starting at the same time that college starts. It was a little weird. Like buying school supplies was INSANE. Not only did you have the college kids trying to buy stuff but you added all the parents and their children. It was a little crazy. I am however loving my classes.

I am finding out that I have very little to no time to do other things outside of class and work and sleep but I will get used to that and I think it is something that will be good for me. My goal for this semester was to try to focus on school and to get better grades. I have a really hard schedule this semester and to some I seem crazy but I think it will be fun.

I have started getting up at 5:30 in the morning to walk and then come back and go to school. Today I didn't get up and walk though. I was so tired from yesterday and I thought it would be nice to sleep in. It was plus I have shin splints. I hate shin splints. They hurt. Anyway I should go. I have go get to work. I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Love,
Heather

Things on my mind

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. I think it is because readjusting to life after camp is really hard. Just tonight I have been thinking about my life and how I feel so close to God but yet so far away. I know that my relationship with him isn't where it should be right now. I want to get to know him better and become more like him. I feel like this past week I have lost sight of that. I think that part of that is because I haven't been feeling 100% but that is also an excuse. No matter what God should always come first in my life and I feel like this week he has been put on the back burner. I was reading tonight out of my latest book, Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado the teen addition, and I realized that I was putting God in the back of my life. This is something that I think I realized at camp but it is so much harder to actually try to change when you are surrounded by the world and everything it has to offer. I often wonder what would happen if I didn't have the internet, television, and a phone. Would life be easier? Would it leave more time for God? I think that sometimes we tend to put those things before him. This is something that I am struggling with right now and it is something that I am going to try to work on with this next week. I am going to give up an hour of sleep in the morning to read in his word and talk to him. I think that this will help me and my day will be a better day because I start it with him.

Something else I realized tonight is that I am shutting myself off from my friends. I was invited to go hang out with some of them tonight and I turned them down. I am not sure why. I should have gone because it would have been fun and then I wouldn't have been bored all night. I don't know why I do this but every once in awhile I catch myself shutting people out. It isn't good. I also have realized that I want a friend who is always there for me no matter what and who will help me be accountable to what I want to accomplish. I still haven't found that friend. That is my prayer for this year, that I find someone to build me up and hold me accountable to my goals.

Something else that I realized is that I need to be more open with God and tell him everything that I am feeling and this isn't happening well at least not right now. I am not talking to him like he is my best friend. I am also wondering if he is the person I am longing for to be my accountability partner. I am not sure what this year will bring but I am looking forward to it and I am looking forward to finding out more about myself and about my Savior. I can't wait!

CAMP

What can I say about camp?? I am not sure how to explain what I happened to me this summer. It was amazing. I learned a ton about who I was and who I am. I learned that I tend to put others before myself, which is something that I need to watch because it can become a problem. I also learned that I need to find someone to help keep me accountable to everything in my life. I need a friend that I can always count on and that I can go to whenever I need something.

Something else I learned is how a guy should treat a girl when they are dating. I think my standards which were already high just went up some more.

Something else that I have decided is that I want to branch out and switch churches. It is not because I am mad it is just something that I feel lead to do. It is something that I think will be hard because I know that I love my church right now but I feel like I am being called to leave. I am not sure where I am going to go but I know that where ever I go I can always come home. No matter what I know that my church family will always love me. I am sad that I am leaving some of the people but I feel like it will give me a chance to see how other churches work and what their ministries look like. I think it will be a great experience, one that I am looking forward too.

That is a brief description of what I learned at camp. I think I found out who I was and found some of my weaknesses. It was a great 5 weeks and an awesome way to end the summer. I hope everyone had a great summer!

Love,

Heather

CAMP

hey friends!! I am having a blast at camp. I work with High School girl drill teams. It is a ton of fun. We play team building games with them. It is so much fun. There have been some amazing groups. I have loved it. I get to work the ropes course. That is a ton of fun as long as it isn't raining. Well I should go it is getting late and I have a ton of stuff to do. I hope everyone has a great summer!
Love,
Heather

Hero

I have been listening to Superchick a lot lately and one of there songs called Hero is one of my favorites right now. Here are the lyrics.

No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
Cause you want to belong do you go along?
Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It's not like you hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
Any kindness from you might have saved his life

Tag:
Heroes are made when you make a choice

Chorus:
You could be a hero
Heroes do what's right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero, You could join the fight
For what's right for what's right for what's right

Verse:
No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She's in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves
When she throws the pills out a hero is made

Tag
Chorus

Verse:
No one talks to him about how he lives
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his
Doesn't know he's a leader with the way he behaves
And others will follow the choices he's made
He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide
His brother who wants to be him is just nine
He can do what he wants because it's his right
The choices he makes change a nine year old's life

Tag
Chorus

Little Mikey D. was the one in class who everyday got brutally harassed
This went on for years until he decided that never again would he shed another tear
So he walked through the door, grabbed the four-four out of his father's dresser drawer
And said I can't take life no more
And like that life can be lost
But this ain't even about that
All of us just sat back and watched it happen
Thinkin' it's not my responsibility to solve a problem that isn't about me
This is our problem
This is just one of the daily scenarios which we choose to close our eyes
Instead of doing the right thing
If we make a choice and be the voice for those who won't speak up for themselves
How many lives would be saved, changed, rearranged
Now it's our time to pick a side
So don't keep walkin' by
Not wantin' to intervene
Cause you wanna exist and never be seen
So let's wake up and change the world
Our time is now

Chorus:
You could be a hero
Heroes do what's right (our time is now)
You could be a hero
You might save a life (our time is now)
You could be a hero, (our time is now) You could join the fight

I like this song because it has a lot to do with what goes on today. The verse in blue made me think today. I was on my way home and was listening to it when I realized how true that verse is. I had an older friend that I looked up too and then she messed up and ended up going down the wrong path. It made me not want to look up to her anymore. Then I started thinking about how many kids look up to me and how crazy it is that I could influence them.

heyhey

Well summer is here!! I have had a blast so far!! I am working at a camp for half the summer. It is a christian camp. It is so much fun. I love working with christian people. It is so much fun. I can't wait to see what God is going to use me for this summer and how I will be changed and grow closer to God this summer. I think that this summer will be challenging and fun. I can't wait to see it all unfold. I can't wait until the summer is over but I know that I won't want to leave camp at the end of this summer. Camp is like its own little world where you never have to worry about anything and God is the center of every ones life. It is so great. A part of me wishes that the real world was more like that. It would be so great. Well I can't wait to go back to go back to camp and this wonderful small world. I hope everyone has a great summer and I will let you know how mine is.

The past few weeks!

The past few weeks have been super crazy!! I have moved out of the dorm and finished my first year of college!! I am having a hard time believing that I am done with my first year of school. It was an amazing year tough but good and I liked it a lot. I am looking forward to this summer. I am working at a summer camp and that will be super exciting. I am working with High School Girls. That will be the not so fun part. I am hoping that it is a good time of growing for me. I am going to not worry about the Internet or my phone or the time for a whole month. I am going to just live and just be for a while. It will be so great. I was supposed to go to England next semester but that ended up not working out. I was sad at first but then I started thinking about all the things I was going to miss like my brothers Sr year of football or all my friends and family. I think that I will have more fun staying here this next semester. Well I should go it is getting late and I have a ton of stuff to do.

life

I kind of quit blogging because I don't really have much to say. I am kind of all over the place right now!! I am guessing that part of it is because I am stressed and I have to pack my whole dorm room up with in the next two weeks. I think it will be a hectic two weeks.

God is Amazing!

My life has been kind of hectic over the past month, as you might be able to tell from my blog if you read it. Last night I was at church and a lady camp up to me and my mom. I have known and talked to her for a long time. I told my mom good bye and the lady stopped me and said that I wasn’t leaving until she prayed over me. She had no idea what I have gone through in the past month but she prayed a prayer of protection over me and my family. How amazing is that?? God is so good. I thought it was awesome!

Saturdays

Saturday... I just realized that I never do the same thing on Saturday. I am always doing something diffrent. Today I am at my grandmas last week I was here and the week before I was at the family retreat. This next week I am helping with a rabies clinic and then the next week I have class. In my lifetime wellness class she wants us to document a typical Saturday. I think that will be hard for me. I think I will just do this Saturday and tell her that I don't have a typical I feel like there is sooooo much to do and not enough time to do it. I have spent my day working on all of this homework. Why is the end of the year so stressful.

Life

This song is something that I think that is what I am feeling right now. It is a really good song. I find myself singing it a lot. I really like it. I think it goes with everything that is going on with my life. It makes me remember that no matter what happens I can make it through. Just thought I would share it with everyone.

Martina McBride
Do It Anyway

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

Chorus:
God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love ‘em anyway

Repeat Chorus

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway

What a week!!

Well it is only Wed and I am hoping things get better. I went to my great grandmothers funeral on Monday and that was good. My grandpa made it through very well. His bed sores didn't even get worse. It was good to see all the family that we saw at Christmas. I don't know them that well but it was good to see them. Then we came back about 9 on Monday night. I watched some TV and then went to sleep at my parents house. Then Tuesday I came back to the dorm and found out that my Great Uncle had died. Other side of the family. My moms moms brother. The funeral is on Friday in Houston and we are not going. I am going down south instead to work on my grandma computer. She needs some stuff uploaded and it needs to be worked on. She won't be there but it will give me a chance to get some work done and have a quite time at her house. I am just hoping and praying that this was the end of the bad and that the good will start to happen. I always hate it when bad things happen. It stresses me out. School is winding down and when it is over I will have time to relax and have some fun this summer before I go to England for a semester.

What a long week!

Last weekend I got to see this...










































And I had fun with some really cool people!















It was a time to relax and have fun. It was a really fun retreat.

Then I came back to reality. That was not so much fun. School is rough towards the end of the year. I had an ok week until about Wed. I was super pumped because I was going to the Jeremy Camp concert. I got there and ended up having a wreck in the parking lot. It was not good. I am not sure whose fault it was. That was number two in a week and a half. Not good at all. I was still in a rental from my first wreck that wasn't my fault. Then I went to bed that night and slept really well. I woke up the next morning and went to class. Nothing big happened there. Then when I got back to my dorm room and checked my e-mail I found out that my step great grandmother died. Then I started worrying about my grandpa and how was he going to be able to go. Was he going to be able to go at all. Over Christmas we had seen my great grandma and after we left there we drove 10 hours to get to my grandparents house. All that driving was not good for my grandpa (since he is paralyzed and has to sit all the time anyway) and he ended up getting bed sores. He still has them so him coming could make them worse but he wants to come. I think he needs to come. So pray that things get better on my end. I kind of feel like Satan is trying to get to me for some reason. It is not good.

The Good news:
I found out last Friday that I will be spending part of my summer at a camp working with High School Drill Teams. That should be fun. They called again today just to talk to me about it. I am really excited. I think the Lord will open my eyes and let me be a good example to the girls that come through the camp this summer.

Friends, car wreck and everything else

So this week has been very interesting. It started out ok but it went down hill from there. One of my friends got mad at me on Friday night over something stupid and still wont let it go. It makes me so mad. Then yesterday I got into a minor car wreck. I was leaving my dorm for dinner and someone ran a stop sign and hit the back drivers side of my car. Then my car hit the curb on the other side and I ended up hitting my head on the door causing a bump. My car wheels were both bent and it had to be towed. I didn't get a rental till today. I ended up going to the ER to have them look at my head. That was a cool experience. I got to get x-rays and a cat scan. I have a brain for anyone who was wondering. I also found out that nothing was wrong with me. That was good. I spent most of the day sleeping and resting. I am good now and hoping that the week goes up hill from here!

The Petting Zoo

Today I got to help with the Carnival at church. My job was the petting zoo. I got to feed a llama with my mouth. It was pretty cool. I had a ton of fun but I got a little bit of a sun burn. That part wasn't so much fun. Here are a few pictures.















Me feeding the llama

















A random picture of the animals. There was also a bunny and a chicken which I got to hold. I also held a goat for part of the time I was there. It was really cool.

Family Retreats

I woke up this morning and I couldn't sleep. I started to think about what all I had to do today. I have to go to church and help my parents sign people up for our Family Retreat. Twice a year my family organizes a retreat for the church family in south Texas. I love it. I love the area and I love being down there. We have gone on family retreats for the last like 12 years and I don't think that I have missed one yet. I will miss the one after this one because I will be in England. I hate to miss one but I think I will have a ton of fun in England. I think my favorite part of the family retreat is that my family does it together and we go down early to set things up and we come back later than everyone else. It is always a blast to have a few hours alone at the camp. You get to enjoy the peace and quiet before the kids get there and then the camp is filled with laughter and community. I am not sure which one I enjoy better.