Things on my mind

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. I think it is because readjusting to life after camp is really hard. Just tonight I have been thinking about my life and how I feel so close to God but yet so far away. I know that my relationship with him isn't where it should be right now. I want to get to know him better and become more like him. I feel like this past week I have lost sight of that. I think that part of that is because I haven't been feeling 100% but that is also an excuse. No matter what God should always come first in my life and I feel like this week he has been put on the back burner. I was reading tonight out of my latest book, Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado the teen addition, and I realized that I was putting God in the back of my life. This is something that I think I realized at camp but it is so much harder to actually try to change when you are surrounded by the world and everything it has to offer. I often wonder what would happen if I didn't have the internet, television, and a phone. Would life be easier? Would it leave more time for God? I think that sometimes we tend to put those things before him. This is something that I am struggling with right now and it is something that I am going to try to work on with this next week. I am going to give up an hour of sleep in the morning to read in his word and talk to him. I think that this will help me and my day will be a better day because I start it with him.

Something else I realized tonight is that I am shutting myself off from my friends. I was invited to go hang out with some of them tonight and I turned them down. I am not sure why. I should have gone because it would have been fun and then I wouldn't have been bored all night. I don't know why I do this but every once in awhile I catch myself shutting people out. It isn't good. I also have realized that I want a friend who is always there for me no matter what and who will help me be accountable to what I want to accomplish. I still haven't found that friend. That is my prayer for this year, that I find someone to build me up and hold me accountable to my goals.

Something else that I realized is that I need to be more open with God and tell him everything that I am feeling and this isn't happening well at least not right now. I am not talking to him like he is my best friend. I am also wondering if he is the person I am longing for to be my accountability partner. I am not sure what this year will bring but I am looking forward to it and I am looking forward to finding out more about myself and about my Savior. I can't wait!