My Grandpa

So if you haven't figured out by now my grandpa is someone very close to me. I just found out today that he is in the hospital. They think that he may have had a small stroke and they are doing testing tomorrow to find out what caused it. Please pray for the doctors to find out what is wrong with him and for my grandma to be able to get some much needed rest right now.

Thanks!

last weekend, grandpa, south TX

So last weekend I went to south TX. I absoultly love it down there. I think that I could park myself down there and just leave everything behind and not even care. It is so pretty. Here are a few pictures I took down there.
This was on the way down. It is a tree made out of deer antlers. It is kind of cool.

This one is just amazing!
Look at the clouds. They are almost perfect!

This picture is my favorite!! It is the road the my
Grandmas friend lives down and down the road
we stayed in. I absolutely love this picture!

This is the super cute house we stayed in!

This is just a random picture of the scenery.
I love it though! I could so live down there!
















So there are some pictures. We went down for my grandmothers 85th birthday. 6 out of 9 of her kids where there so that was a ton of fun. I got to hang out with my cousins from Houston that I never see so that was fun too.

Then on Sunday we went to a church where my grandpa used to preach. It is amazing and I love it. Anyway they used to video the service and send it to my grandpa but I noticed that they quit doing that. It is just hard to watch the church move on with out him when for so many years that is where he preached and ministered.

Now this weekend I am sitting here working on cleaning house and homework. A bit of a change from the last two weekends when I was down south just having fun. :))

If I won the Lotto

I have often thought about what I would spend the money if I was to win the lotto. I think that I would pay off all of my school. Then put enough in savings to live off of and then if I still had some left over I think it would be fun to buy an apartment complex for low income families. I think that I would just love that. It would be so much fun. I think I would want to live there with the families so I could get to know them. I think that would be fun too. I think that I would pay off my car and help my parents pay off some of their stuff too. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you won the lotto??

thurnder stoms

So I haven't blogged in a long time because I have been super busy. School is taking up most of my free time. It is raining outside like pouring. It has been lightening for several hours now but it just started raining. So I was at a friends house and I was hanging out watching a movie. The movie ended at around 12 midnight and I decided to go ahead and drive home. The weather man came on the TV and said that it was capable of producing golf ball size hail. I thought naaa I will beat it. Then I got scared out of my mind all the way home because the lightening was lighting up the sky and it wasn't looking too good. It didn't start raining until I was on my road. That was good. I made it home with only rain. It still hasn't hailed yet. I think I am crazy. Who decides to drive home in a crazy thunder storm like this??

Its not about me.

I have realized over the past few weeks that I tend to focus more on me and what I want but I need to focus on God and what he wants with me. Another thing that I have realized is that I focus a ton on the negative in things and I am really hard on myself. I am working on fixing that but it is just so hard.

HAPPY MONDAY

So I haven't blog in awhile. I have just been super busy. Last weekend my brother had his Eagle court of honor and this last weekend I helped out with a youth retreat. It was fun but it wore me out. Now I am catching up on homework and my bible study. I have realized that I have trouble wrapping my head around the concept of being saved by the cross. I know that we are loved but I don't think I have quite gotten that we are REALLY loved. No matter what we do. Anyway I am going to get back to my homework now but that is just something I was thinking about and thought I would share it.

Talking with God

So yesterday I drove to Brownwood and for about 40 min I decided that I was not going to listen to the radio and I was just going to talk to God and just listen. Here are some of the things that I thought about.

noise- Everywhere we go there is noise. A train passing by, birds, tv, radio, passing by cars, and the list goes on and on. My question was can we ever be totally silence. So this thought is what lead me to turn off the radio and listen.

So I started talking to God and just telling him how I felt. I was talking out loud and then I thought that people who were passing by must think that I am crazy and talking to myself and then I was like next time someone asks me if I am talking to myself I am going to say that I am not talking to myself just talking to God. :))

Then while I was talking to God I heard him say shhhhhhh just listen so I did and he told me that he loves me and I am his which is something that I have been struggling with and something that I don't think I fully comprehend. Then I have been wondering what all I should be doing in ministry and when is too much. I think that he answered all of that for me. It was amazing.

seeking God

I am doing this bible study and it is kicking my butt. I have decided that the reason I questioned everything last semester was that I was too busy thinking and talking and not doing enough listening. I am working on listening better. I think that God wants me to realize how much he loves me and that he sees me differently than I see myself. He sees me as forgiven and as his child and I don't see myself that way. I am relearning all of this. I have also been longing for a friend who understands what I am going through and someone that I can talk to about anything and I just don't have that right now. I think that maybe God wants to fill that void in my life with his presence but I am just not letting him. So that is something that he is slowly letting me see. It is crazy. I am really starting to like this no cell phone thing. It gives me more time to listen and just be. Something else that I have realized is that being a college student and trying to be a Christian person in todays world is really really hard. Over half of the tv shows that I watch I probably shouldn't watch and over half the music on my ipod/computer I should probably delete. Most of my friends think I am crazy by now but I am not I am just trying to get my life back on track.

time and the cross

So I have decided that God is trying to tell me something and I know that he is trying to tell me something but evidently I still haven't quite gotten the message because he keeps telling me and to be quite honest I am starting to get a little annoyed with the same thing over and over again but I know that it is his way of saying hey you haven't gotten this yet. Listen you big dummy. He keeps telling me to slow down and enjoy the moment but I am finding that hard to do in todays world. We are so time consumed and everything has to start at this time and end at this time. I wonder what would happen if we showed up somewhere and just enjoyed each others company and never thought about what we needed to do next or I have all of this to do and I need to go do it now. Isn't life all about building relationships and growing with each other and watching Gods world go round? I am REALLY having a hard time this. My job is focused around a time frame and last Thursday I saw three different wrecks while I was on my route and I thought ok I need to slow down and just take my time. Things will get done when they get done. I also hate being late. I am one of those people that get ready at least 5 min before I need to be and I show up at least 5 min early. I just really hate being late. Anyway so I am trying to figure out what I can do for myself and just slow things down a little bit. I think I need to cut something out but I don't know what to cut. I don't feel over whelmed with anything that I am doing so for now I will just pray about it. The second thing that God keeps reminding me of is that he died on the cross just for me. This keeps coming up over and over again. I understand that he died on the cross to save me from sin but evidently I still haven't comprehended his love for me. I think I am going to pray about this too. Anyway I hope everyone has a great week and remember to live in the moment because time is so precious and you never know how much you have left.

Deer

Here are the pictures of me with deer. :)) My grandmother would take in deer that their mothers would reject because they couldn't take care of them.

Then here are some from not too long ago. Someone tamed a deer and he showed up in our front yard. He was really friendly and he gave our dogs a hard time. It was funny.

Pets

So I have always loved Animals!! I am at my parents house tonight becuase I am giving my dog a bath and taking her to my house for the week. I have really missed her. Right now she isn't too happy that she is in the bathroom still damp because I forgot my blow dryer but good things are to come. :)) I am not sure how she will get along with my cat but I guess we will find out. Here are a few pics to enjoy.

This one is the earliest one that I have with me and an animal. My mom thinks that I am three. I would sure hate to be that goat. :) This is at my grandmothers house.

This is the first goat that we got when we moved to the country.

More goats

These are some babies to the ones above.

Then came the donkey that we found and then it ran away but that is a story for another time.

Then during the goat and donkey times came the show pigs. I really do love pigs!! This was one of my sr pictures. I love this picture. There are two pigs here. These were my sr year pigs.

Last but not least my dog!! :)) I couldn't find a good picture of her so I will have to take one. I have had her since I was in the 5th grade so almost 9 years. CRAZY!! She is the one on the right. Her name is Silver. The other dog in this picture is Cooper. He is more like my brothers dog.

Well I guess that is all for now. I will try to post one with the deer pictures. I totally forgot about he whole deer pictures. My parents actually have one of me butt naked playing with deer at my grandparets. Really what where they thinking?? I think it was this will be great black mail!!

A Call To Die.

I started this Bible Study with a friend of mine. The book is called A Call To Die. It challenges you to give something up for the 40 days that you are doing the Bible study. So I gave up my cell phone. Now in todays world it is hard for a college aged person to not have a cell phone. They are everywhere. Just stay in one spot and watch. I bet you at least every other person that passes you will be on the phone or doing something with their phone. To be quite honest they probably won't even realize that you are standing there.

I think in todays world we are becoming so technological that it is hard for us to have real relationships. I am one who loves spending time with people. I have fun just sitting and talking for hours. Are we missing something from not being personal with each other? I think that the answer is yes. You can't tell what someone is really thinking over the phone. You can't see the way they are acting like by their body language. If you were to go to a foreign country 80% of what you did to try to talk to people would be by your body language (a smile a hug a handshake).

Don't get me wrong I love talking on the phone. It is well was something that I did all the time. That is why I gave it up. Since I have done this I have realized how we are starting to do less listening and more talking. If we never listen then how are we to hear God? I think that this is something that I was having a problem with. Since I started this Bible Study I have listened more to God and he keeps telling me that I am never alone. It has been a constant theme over the past few days. God often speaks though me in songs. My favorite song at the moment is a song by Mainstay called Hang on. It is amazing. You should take the time to listen to it. I tried to find it on youtube but I didn't have much luck.

Another song I love by them is called Your Not Alone. I did find this one on youtube and I think it is an amazing way to do a song so take the time to watch this video.




Anyway I am going to try to keep things posted on here of what is happening with my life and how I am being changed. I hope you have a blessed day and I will be writing soon.

life

Well I haven't blogged in awhile. I have been really busy. I was leaving church this morning and I started thinking about how church is supposed to be the one place you can come and be yourself and still be accepted but it has turned into a place where everyone comes on Sunday mornings and Wed nights and they put on a smile and act as if everything is just find and dandy. Well most days it isn't. No one is perfect and everyone has problems. Even the people you think have it all together. I have been asked by several people this week if I am happy and I keep telling people that I am happy and that I am just stressed but I think that they truth in the situation is no I am not happy. I am feeling distanced from God and not really sure how to find him. I have been looking and still don't feel him. I know he is with me but I am in a low point and it is starting to get frustrating. I long to be close to him. I am starting a Bible study and working on surrounding myself with Christians and finding an accountability partner so my hope is that all of this will help me in the long run. I guess my challenge to you is to not be fake with people. Be real with them. Tell people what is really going on in life. I know that is hard but it is something that if we all did I think the world would be a much better place!

Thoughts on choosing our feelings

I was in philosophy today and I think it changed my thinking on a lot of things. We talked about free will and Jean-Paul Sartre. Sartre's view is that we never take responsibility for our actions like we should. We all have excuses and we don't just say that we choose to do something else instead. Like saying I choose to go to the movies instead of writhing that paper do doing that homework so that is why I don't have it but then isn't that an excuse in itself. I am not sure. I do think that we should take responsibility for our actions. I wonder how different would our world be if we all did this.
We also talked about how we choose out own emotions. We choose to be happy, sad, depressed. I am not sure what I think about this. I do think tit is right to some extent but I think that some emotions are brought on by circumstances. Like if something emotionally happens to you it makes you feel a certain way. Like if someone you are close to dies you are more than likely going to feel sad about that. This is where I am not sure if you choose that feeling. If you are sad because of something that happened to you then how can that be something that you choose.
I have thought quite a bit about this and I was thinking about feeling Gods absents. If we are feeling like Go d isn't with us then is that something that we are choosing. According to Sartre it would be something that we are feeling but I don't believe that. I do believe that we choose our feelings to some extent but we don't totally choose our feelings. When things happen to use it causes us to feel a certain way. I do think that we can choose to change how we feel when we are in those situations but for the most part that feeling is brought on by things out of our control.

Thoughts lately

I have been questioning everything lately. I think I have been asking too many questions or perhaps not the right questions. I am questioning my faith and if I believe in God or not. I know that sounds awful but that is how I am feeling. I feel lost and alone. I kind of feel like I am in a desert and it is dark outside and there is no light at all. Not even a moon or star to give off some light. I don’t know why I am feeling this or if it is something that everyone goes through but I do know that I hate it. I hate feeling like I am alone and far away from everything. I hate feeling like God isn’t there. I know he is but I just don’t feel it and as soon as I get close to him something else comes along to distract me and get me off track or as soon as I start to feel happy and unstressed something happens and someone needs my help with something. I don’t get why this is happening and I wish it would all just go away. I want to be close to God and I want to see him in everything I do but here lately that hasn’t been the case. I have seen him some but I want more. Is that natural for us to want more? I was telling someone about how I felt like I was in the desert and they told me that it isn’t a bad place to be. Jesus was in the desert for 40 days. That person also told me not to give in to temptations and it got me thinking about the last few months. I have given in to temptations and the feeling when I realized this was awful. I hate it. I feel like I need to get away from everything for awhile but I know that wont solve the problem. Then I think that this time of feeling all alone can only make me stronger and it will help me in the long run and I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I am hoping that this light comes sooner than later.

School

I have started school once again. This year was very weird. I am not sure how I feel about public School starting at the same time that college starts. It was a little weird. Like buying school supplies was INSANE. Not only did you have the college kids trying to buy stuff but you added all the parents and their children. It was a little crazy. I am however loving my classes.

I am finding out that I have very little to no time to do other things outside of class and work and sleep but I will get used to that and I think it is something that will be good for me. My goal for this semester was to try to focus on school and to get better grades. I have a really hard schedule this semester and to some I seem crazy but I think it will be fun.

I have started getting up at 5:30 in the morning to walk and then come back and go to school. Today I didn't get up and walk though. I was so tired from yesterday and I thought it would be nice to sleep in. It was plus I have shin splints. I hate shin splints. They hurt. Anyway I should go. I have go get to work. I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Love,
Heather

Things on my mind

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. I think it is because readjusting to life after camp is really hard. Just tonight I have been thinking about my life and how I feel so close to God but yet so far away. I know that my relationship with him isn't where it should be right now. I want to get to know him better and become more like him. I feel like this past week I have lost sight of that. I think that part of that is because I haven't been feeling 100% but that is also an excuse. No matter what God should always come first in my life and I feel like this week he has been put on the back burner. I was reading tonight out of my latest book, Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado the teen addition, and I realized that I was putting God in the back of my life. This is something that I think I realized at camp but it is so much harder to actually try to change when you are surrounded by the world and everything it has to offer. I often wonder what would happen if I didn't have the internet, television, and a phone. Would life be easier? Would it leave more time for God? I think that sometimes we tend to put those things before him. This is something that I am struggling with right now and it is something that I am going to try to work on with this next week. I am going to give up an hour of sleep in the morning to read in his word and talk to him. I think that this will help me and my day will be a better day because I start it with him.

Something else I realized tonight is that I am shutting myself off from my friends. I was invited to go hang out with some of them tonight and I turned them down. I am not sure why. I should have gone because it would have been fun and then I wouldn't have been bored all night. I don't know why I do this but every once in awhile I catch myself shutting people out. It isn't good. I also have realized that I want a friend who is always there for me no matter what and who will help me be accountable to what I want to accomplish. I still haven't found that friend. That is my prayer for this year, that I find someone to build me up and hold me accountable to my goals.

Something else that I realized is that I need to be more open with God and tell him everything that I am feeling and this isn't happening well at least not right now. I am not talking to him like he is my best friend. I am also wondering if he is the person I am longing for to be my accountability partner. I am not sure what this year will bring but I am looking forward to it and I am looking forward to finding out more about myself and about my Savior. I can't wait!

CAMP

What can I say about camp?? I am not sure how to explain what I happened to me this summer. It was amazing. I learned a ton about who I was and who I am. I learned that I tend to put others before myself, which is something that I need to watch because it can become a problem. I also learned that I need to find someone to help keep me accountable to everything in my life. I need a friend that I can always count on and that I can go to whenever I need something.

Something else I learned is how a guy should treat a girl when they are dating. I think my standards which were already high just went up some more.

Something else that I have decided is that I want to branch out and switch churches. It is not because I am mad it is just something that I feel lead to do. It is something that I think will be hard because I know that I love my church right now but I feel like I am being called to leave. I am not sure where I am going to go but I know that where ever I go I can always come home. No matter what I know that my church family will always love me. I am sad that I am leaving some of the people but I feel like it will give me a chance to see how other churches work and what their ministries look like. I think it will be a great experience, one that I am looking forward too.

That is a brief description of what I learned at camp. I think I found out who I was and found some of my weaknesses. It was a great 5 weeks and an awesome way to end the summer. I hope everyone had a great summer!

Love,

Heather

CAMP

hey friends!! I am having a blast at camp. I work with High School girl drill teams. It is a ton of fun. We play team building games with them. It is so much fun. There have been some amazing groups. I have loved it. I get to work the ropes course. That is a ton of fun as long as it isn't raining. Well I should go it is getting late and I have a ton of stuff to do. I hope everyone has a great summer!
Love,
Heather

Hero

I have been listening to Superchick a lot lately and one of there songs called Hero is one of my favorites right now. Here are the lyrics.

No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
Cause you want to belong do you go along?
Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It's not like you hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
Any kindness from you might have saved his life

Tag:
Heroes are made when you make a choice

Chorus:
You could be a hero
Heroes do what's right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero, You could join the fight
For what's right for what's right for what's right

Verse:
No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She's in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves
When she throws the pills out a hero is made

Tag
Chorus

Verse:
No one talks to him about how he lives
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his
Doesn't know he's a leader with the way he behaves
And others will follow the choices he's made
He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide
His brother who wants to be him is just nine
He can do what he wants because it's his right
The choices he makes change a nine year old's life

Tag
Chorus

Little Mikey D. was the one in class who everyday got brutally harassed
This went on for years until he decided that never again would he shed another tear
So he walked through the door, grabbed the four-four out of his father's dresser drawer
And said I can't take life no more
And like that life can be lost
But this ain't even about that
All of us just sat back and watched it happen
Thinkin' it's not my responsibility to solve a problem that isn't about me
This is our problem
This is just one of the daily scenarios which we choose to close our eyes
Instead of doing the right thing
If we make a choice and be the voice for those who won't speak up for themselves
How many lives would be saved, changed, rearranged
Now it's our time to pick a side
So don't keep walkin' by
Not wantin' to intervene
Cause you wanna exist and never be seen
So let's wake up and change the world
Our time is now

Chorus:
You could be a hero
Heroes do what's right (our time is now)
You could be a hero
You might save a life (our time is now)
You could be a hero, (our time is now) You could join the fight

I like this song because it has a lot to do with what goes on today. The verse in blue made me think today. I was on my way home and was listening to it when I realized how true that verse is. I had an older friend that I looked up too and then she messed up and ended up going down the wrong path. It made me not want to look up to her anymore. Then I started thinking about how many kids look up to me and how crazy it is that I could influence them.